


Supper Smash Bros: Mishonh From Trump: Teh Fite 2 Saev Amrica

by PrincessAmerica



Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-08-20 13:47:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 17,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16556915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessAmerica/pseuds/PrincessAmerica
Summary: Wen teh libruls captar Donnel Turnip and taek him 2 Nintando wrold a Amarekan gurl naem Sara muts go 2 Smash manshen and rescu him or eels antefa wil concur Amanda.





	1. Prologue: The Ultimate Reboot

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a long time, hasn't it? Three years ago, I concluded Sara's story. So why am I writing another installment? Well, honestly, it's because of Ultimate (something I'm sure most of you could guess). I actually wanted to get this chapter out earlier, but it was delayed almost a week due to a combination of my disappointment with the final Direct (RIP Isaac, trapped once again in AT Hell) and the fact that my computer chose to die two days later and had to be replaced. So, here it is now instead.
> 
> Oh, and for those of you who don't like all the meta, fourth-wall-breaking stuff, don't fret. Besides the occasional out-of-character comment in the author's notes sometimes (and don't worry, Sara will also have her usual author's note rants, of course), it will all be confined to this prologue.

Prologue: The Ultimate Reboot

 

 At the Bandai-Namco headquarters in Japan, Masahiro Sakurai and his development team were hard at work. Though the base game of Ultimate was already completed and awaiting release, they were already combing through the code to try to find any bugs that they missed, which would have to be fixed in a day one patch, and were also starting their work on DLC.

 Suddenly, however, a receptionist entered the room.

 “Mr. Sakurai,” the receptionist said, “someone is here to see you.”

 “Whoever it is, tell them to come back later. I'm busy nerfing Greninja,” Sakurai said.

 “But Mr. Sakurai, she says it's a matter of upmost importance,” the receptionist said.

 Sakurai sighed, “let me guess. It's another filthy gaijin coming to whine about that Grinch thing being fake. Tell them to fuck off, and be sure to laugh in their face about the fact that Geno, Isaac, and Banjo are never going to be playable.”

 “Uhh... Mr. Sakurai,” one of the programmers spoke up, “I just noticed something.”

 “What is it now?” Sakurai asked.

 “We're all Japanese, right?” the programmer said, “and we're all in Japan right now, right?”

 “Obviously,” Sakurai said.

 “And there are no native English speakers in this room right now, right?” the programmer said.

 “Yes, yes. What are you getting at?” Sakurai asked.

 “So... why is everyone speaking English?” the programmer said.

 “Now that you mention it, I'm almost positive that I wasn't a fluent English speaker before just now,” a second programmer said.

 “Also, you just called Isaac from the Golden Sun series 'Isaac', when his name here in Japan is 'Robin'. Not to be confused with Fire Emblem Robin, of course, who is called 'Reflet' here. Also, you should have said you were nerfing Gekkouga, not Grenin...” the first programmer kept talking.

 “Quiet!” Sakurai said, “now, receptionist, describe the visitor who wanted to see me.”

 “She looked half-foreign, half-Japanese. About early thirties. I'd say about 5'1”, a little less than 100 lbs...” the receptionist said.

 “Oh, shit,” Sakurai said, “it's her.”

 “Should I also bring up the fact that the receptionist just gave her height and weight in Imperial measurements, despite the fact that pretty much no one outside of the US uses them?” the first programmer chimed in.

 “I'm pretty sure I told you to be quiet. Now, get back to work. I have an annoying woman with godlike powers to deal with,” Sakurai said. Then her turned to the receptionist, “might as well let her in. I have a feeling she'll barge in anyw...”

 “Hey-ya, Massive Hero Soccer Guy!” Melanie said, bursting into the room.

 “Called it,” Sakurai said, “also, never call me that again. What do you want?”

 “Remember how you said you'd turn the entire roster into 'fifty shades of Pit' if I wrote another Mishonh story?” Melanie asked.

 “Let me guess, you want to write another story without me doing that,” Sakurai said, “what's in it for me?”

 “Maybe I could introduce you to my friend... George Washington?” Melanie held out a single US dollar bill.

 “Yeah, that's not even worth the effort it would take to get it exchanged for yen,” Sakurai said.

 “Oh? Well maybe President Washington's friend could help change your mind. Have you heard of him? His name is... George Washington,” Melanie held out a second dollar bill.

 Sakurai was still not impressed with this bribe, and just stared at Melanie, confused that she could possibly have thought this would work.

 “Come on! This is the only cash I have on me right now,” Melanie said.

 “Aren't you literally omnipotent?” Sakurai asked, “can't you just conjure up any amount of money you want?”

 “Oh... yeah, I didn't think to do that,” Melanie said, “so, how much do you want?”

 “Eleventy bajillion yen,” Sakurai said.

 “Uh, Mr. Sakurai, 'eleventy bajillion' isn't really a number,” Melanie said.

 “Which is perfect,” Sakurai said, “because I'm not really going to accept your bribe.”

 “Come on!” Melanie said, “Please?”

 “No,” Sakurai said.

 “Pretty please?” Melanie asked.

 “No,” said Sakurai.

 “I'll let you erase the Dragon Ball series and Shrek films from existence again,” Melanie said.

 “Still no,” Sakurai said, “also, most of those memers have switched to bugging me about Waluigi now.”

 “Are you sure that there's nothing I could give you to change your mind?” Melanie asked.

 “No! I will not allow you to write one of your insipid trollfics ever again!” Sakurai said.

 Melanie turned around and started to leave, dejected.

 “Nah, I'm only kidding,” Sakurai said.

 “Wait, what?” Melanie was taken aback.

 “You should've seen the look on your face. I thought you were about to cry,” Sakurai said, laughing, “you should take note. This is how you troll someone. Just admit that I'm a better troll than you could ever hope to be, and I'll let you continue your dumb stories. Here, let me write exactly what I want you to say.”

 Sakurai wrote down a message on a piece of paper and handed it to Melanie. Melanie began reading.

 “I, Melanie the stupid, filthy, half-breed gaijin, am inferior to the great Masahiro Sakurai in every conceivable way. He is the greatest troll to ever live, while I am nothing but a third-rate Tara Gilesbie imitator who can't come up with anything more creative than misspelling common words as sexual innuendos or names of Pokemon. I am not even fit to eat the cat shit out of Mr. Sakurai's cat's litter box... is this really necessary?” Melanie stopped.

 “Keep reading,” Sakurai said, “you're almost done.”

 “Also, Isaac is a bland, dumb character from an overrated, dead series that almost no one played and I only care about because of my stupid nostalgia for games that came out when I was in high school. Piranha Plant is a much better choice for the Smash Bros roster, and anyone who disagrees is just a salty loser who needs to get a life,” Melanie said, “there, I'm done.”

 “Wonderful!” Sakurai said, “now, you can do whatever you want.”

 “Then let me just...” but then she stopped.

 “Not that I care or anything, but you seem conflicted,” Sakurai said.

 “Well, the last story ended with Sara going into a period of self-reflection. I think having her being the exact same awful person she always was three years later would kinda cheapen that,” Melanie said, “also, she'd be nineteen now. Having her be borderline-illiterate at thirteen years old in the first story strained credibility enough, but now that she'd logically be a college student...”

 “Look, I can't believe I'm actually bothering to give you advice, but have you considering rebooting the series?” Sakurai asked, “it's not a universal solution. For example, I quickly ended up deciding against a reboot for Ultimate, and instead went with bringing every character back. However, it is worth considering.”

 “You know what, Mr. Sakurai?” Melanie said, “that's actually a good idea. I probably should start fresh after three years away from the series. I just need to create a parallel universe to set this new continuity in. A universe where Sara and everyone she associates with are all about six years younger, to reset their ages to what they were in the first story, along with several more changes that I won't spoil in this clunky expository dialogue.”

 And so Melanie snapped her fingers and this new universe she described was willed into existence.

 “Yeah, whatever,” Sakurai said, “so, does that mean you'll finally leave me alone?”

 “One last thing,” Melanie said, “I'm going to leave this universe to follow its own course while I pay attention to the new universe for the new story. Since I'm basically the god of both of these universes, it would be rude to just abandon the original Mishonh stories' universe without doing at least something to set it on the best possible path.”

 Melanie snapped her fingers again.

 “OK. So, Sakurai, how did you feel about the response to the recent Direct?” Melanie asked.

 “It was great, but I feel it would've been better if those idiots over in France didn't spoil the final seven base roster newcomers about a week early... wait, why are you asking me this?” Sakurai asked.

 “Certainly not because I just altered reality to make a certain fake leak real or anything,” Melanie said, “and, this might seem like a random question, but how do you feel about Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door HD that came out recently for the Switch and also totally isn't something I just willed into existence?”

 “I think many people were glad to see something from the Paper Mario series again, since there hasn't been a Paper Mario game since Super Paper Mario back on the Wii. However, what I'm most excited about, and the only reason I'm telling you this is because you're basically omnipotent and could easily find out anyway, is that Intelligent Systems was so thrilled by the success of this HD remake that they're going to start working on an HD combined remake of the Fire Emblem Tellius duology as soon as they finish work on Three Houses. Since I'm sure every Smash fan knows how much I love Fire Emblem, this definitely excites me,” Sakurai said.

 “Glad to hear it,” Melanie said, “another thing, how is President Bernie Sanders doing?”

 “Well, I admit that I'm not very knowledgeable about foreign politics, but I hear that the US is doing really well. President Sanders has already been able to improve the lives of poor and middle class Americans to the point where they no longer have to choose between eating food and paying their bills. In fact, many of them have extra money to spend on luxury items such as video games, which is really good for me. I hear that absolutely everyone in the US who wants a Switch and a copy of Ultimate will be able to afford one. Apparently, rich people are pretty upset though. I'm sure you could get a ton of mileage out of having Sara whine about his policies, right?”

 “Well, now I'm just making myself wish that I had these kinds of reality-warping superpowers in the real world,” Melanie said, “there's just one more thing I need to do to create the perfect timeline...”

 Melanie snapped her fingers again, and... suddenly Reggie Fils-Aime appeared from seemingly nowhere.

 “That's not what I expected,” Melanie said.

 “Hi! I'm just here to tell you that even your omnipotent, reality-warping author powers can't make me localize Mother 3,” Reggie said.

 Melanie sighed, “well, it was worth a shot.”

 “OK, that's all the time I've got. I gotta get back to playing Animal Crossing: New Leaf on my Nintendo 3DS,” Reggie said, and then he teleported back to America.

 “Wait... so if Reggie can just block my reality-warping...” Melanie turned to Sakurai.

 “You didn't actually make the Grinch leak real. I was just messing with you there. That stuff about erasing Sticker Star and Color Splash from existence and making Thousand-Year-Door HD, and the Fire Emblem Tellius HD duology? Yeah, you managed to will all that to happen. You even really did make Bernie Sanders the US President in this universe,” Sakurai said, “however, I control the Smash roster, not you. Don't you forget it.”

 “I guess that's all for me, then,” Melanie turned and stared at a random wall as if there was a camera there for her to talk to, “The new story, not counting this prologue, will start in December. Probably about the 20th, due to that being the sixth anniversary of when I began the first story, and because it will give me almost two weeks of Ultimate play time before I start writing. Also, all this reality-warping I just did only applies to the original timeline's universe. The new universe, where the rest of this story will be set, will obviously be much more like reality in terms of what video games and political figures exist.”

 “Who are you talking to?” Sakurai asked.

 “The audience,” Melanie said, “OK, now I've gotta go.”

 “Wait!” Sakurai said, “at least make my team and I speak Japanese again. It'll be really awkward if we all get back home and there's suddenly a language barrier between us on our families.”

 “Oh yeah, sorry. I forgot all about that,” Melanie said. She snapped her fingers again.

 “Arigato, Melanie-baka,” Sakurai said, his proper language restored.

 “You're welcome,” Melanie said, “and now... end chapter!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, now I need to get to bed. It's almost 11 PM in my time zone and I'm old.


	2. CHAP 1: THA MISHEN 2 SAV TEH PRESCIENT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara begans a kwest 2 saev Donold Tramp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi my naem is Sara adn im a gud Amarkian patrat gurl who suparts R PREZDENT DONELD TRAMP. Im 13 yeers old and go 2 midle skool at stronk thormint midle skool in linchvil sith carelana. Im in steven grad. If ur a librul commulist sjew membar of antyfa annd teh derp stat than u shold GO AWEY RITE NAO and go bek 2 tryen 2 distoy Armenia witch ull nevar do becuz Denial Turnip will stop u. I aslo liek 2 play vido gam and liek Stupor Shush Bras Ultramint 4 teh Intended Swatch. I ply it al teh tim with my best BFF forever Lauren she is teh most impotent person in my leif.
> 
> (One of the advantages of not having to conceal that Sara is a fictional character anymore is that I can actually include details such as the name of her hometown and the name of the school she goes to, without running the risk of someone actually bothering to look it up and see that it doesn't exist. I was going to name her hometown "Lynchburg", but then I looked it up on Wikipedia and saw that there actually is a town called Lynchburg in South Carolina, so I went with "Lynchville" instead. As for the name of her school, I simply named it after Strom Thurmond, an infamously racist segregation supporter who represented South Carolina in the Senate for around half a century. With that obscenely long of a tenure, there probably are plenty of buildings in the state named after him and any people who try to have those names changed (due to that whole "supporting segregation" thing) would probably be called "overly-sensitive SJWs" or whatever.
> 
> Speaking of things that make losers on the internet start whining about "overly-sensitive SJWs", completely missing the irony of them accusing others of being overly-sensitive when they themselves like to whine about how every little thing they don't like is an example of "SJWs destroying western civilization!!111!!" or whatever, I feel like I should put some kind of trigger warning on this story (in fact, I probably should've put one on the prologue, but I kinda forgot). Here goes.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: The opinions expressed by the "protagonist" of this story do not reflect the opinions of the author. This "protagonist" has many views that basically any decent person would find abhorrent, and she could definitely be called racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, and any other type of bigot you would expect your typical alt-right sociopath to be. If the rants of a barely-literate, fascist-adjacent psychopath would be too disturbing for you to continue reading, feel free to click away now)

CHAP 1: TEH MISON 2 SAEV THA PREDSENT

I wuz in my skool crapateria eeten sum stuf wen i sawed tha stooped uglay librul sjew gurl Becky goen arond with a petiteon 2 chang tha naem off r skool. I walted up 2 her.

"stop tryen 2 censar tha nome of thes skool u librul sjew" I sed.

"no Sara I wont stop becuz Strep Throatman wuz a recast adn we sholdnt naem stuf aftar him" Becky sed.

"ur just tiggered u commulist" I sed. I taked her patrician and riped it in2 twelve bajillion pisces. Becky runed awey and than a few minuets latter I herd a cal on teh pa sistem.

"Sara Osborne cum 2 principle orifice" that principle sacrotary sed. I noed I wuz in treble becuz my skool wuz run by teh librul principle Mr Jonson adn he wold tak Beckys sid. Wen I gotted their Mr Jonson wuz anger at me.

"Sara wy did u tier up Beckys passimian?" he sed.

"Becuz shes a stooped librul sjew soshalest comanest who wanted 2 censar tha skools naem" I sed.

"Taht dosant giv u tha rite 2 distroy her parisian taht she wuz peasfuly handin arond" Mr Jonson sed "U r suspanded 4 tha rest of tha weak. Go hoem Sara."

"Wate untel my dad heers abot this!" I sed and strummed of. My dad iz tha towns polite chef. On tim a few yeers ago on of my teechers wuz gona hold me bak a yeer in skool butthan I tolded my dad abot it and a day latter he putted sum drugs in tha teechers car and than sended some ofacers 2 serchh tha car and find thos drugs and attest tha teecher and gotted him sent 2 jale. Sins tehn al tha teechers hav ben given me gud grads and noone meses with me.

Wen I gotted ot off tha skool I sudanly sawed a big fansy limo car driv up. On tha sied of tha car it sed "vape presadent of tha untitled stats". Tha car stopped in front of tha skool and al of a sudan Vyse Persistent Miek Pants opaned tha dore.

"SARA! U NEED 2 CUM RITE NAO!!!!11!!" Penis sed.

"Ok" I sed and I did. Wen I gotted in tha car I asked Pens wut this wuz abot.

"Auntiefa used a secrete depp staet porthole 2 brake in2 tha wite hose last nite and captar Dolphin Tramp and than taked him 2 Nintando wrold. If he isant rescu quackly than Hilrey Cliton wil becum prescient" Pounce sed.

"HURRAY CLITORIS?!" I shatted.

"Ya and than shell abolesh tha constetution and make Ameraca in2 Muslamic Comanisem" sed Pines.

"Ono! Butt wy do u ned me?" I aksed.

"Becuz Presadent Tromp tolded everone in his adamistration taht if he wuz evar captar and take 2 Nuntendo wrold taht we wold hav 2 fine Sara Osborne in Sothe Carracosta 2 rescu him becuz ur teh beast Smash bras player evar" sed Pins.

"Ok" I sed "Ill do it"

"Grate!" sed Pain "nao we ned 2 go 2 Rusha."

"Wy?" I aked.

"Sins Antefa has taked ovar tha wite hose Vlodemort Poutine has teh onely remainen porthole 2 Nintando wrold" Pants sed.

So we driv 2 Rusha butt wented tha ron way and ended up in Mexako bye mistak! Sudanly liek a bullion maxipads swarm tha car.

"Ono!" I sed.

"Were gona rap u sinyoreeta!" sed tha antire poplation of Mexako.

"Not if we can bludy hlep it!" I herd. I loked ovar and sawed Sholk standen neerby. Withim wer a buncha otter smash bros carectars liek Lonk and his bruthers Tone Loc and Yang Lenk, Mark and Loosena and there dad Crump, tha Bellhop bros Simian and Reptar, Ruy and Khan, Clod Strafe, Pete and Palpatine, and Soiled Snack.

Than tha Smash bros carectors started fitten tha Mexakans. Sholk usde tha morondo sord and Lank and his bruthers usde arows and boms and bonerangs. Marp and Losenge and Cram usde there sords wile tha Ballmint bros wiped tha Mexakans with there wips. Rio and Keen usde marital arts and Clod use his reely big sord. Pet and Pollutena usde angle powars and Snape throed gonads. Soon al teh Mexakans wer ded or runen awey.

"Tanks 4 tha halp" I sed "butt hao did u no I wuz in treble?"

"I wuz bluddy sent by Presadent Brexet 2 bluddy hlep u" Sholk sed "butt there wuzant enuff bluddy tim 2 get everone so I onely brot a few off my bluddy frends."

Not maney pepole prolly no this becuz otter contries arent as impotent as Amerka butt rite b4 tha Amareka electron that Doneld Tromp winned ther wuz a erection 4 presadent of Briten. Tha candedats wer Bruxish 4 tha Republekans and Jermy Corvid 4 tha Demakrats. Jormungardr Cobain iz a librul clitoral marxest soshal justas warier liek Burny Sandal (i no becuz Becky iz a fan off both off tham) butt lukely Braxet wuz abel 2 beet him and becum Britesh Prezdent.

"Ok everone getin we ned 2 go 2 Rusha nao" Miek Penis sed. So al tha Smash bros carectors gotted in tha car and we al drov 2 Rusha 4 reel this tim.

Wen we gotted to Mosskow I noked on tha dore 2 tha kremling and the persan who ansered wazent Putain... BUTT STALLION!!!

"Mwahahahahahahaahahahahahaha!!!!!" Stallone sed "ur 2 laet! Gorgosaurus and tha derp staet alredy mad me tha leder of Rusha agen and I throed Pooten in2 tha Gooleg in Sabrina!!!"

Ono! Hao wold we get 2 Ninetindo word nao?! Fined ot next tim!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (As you may have noticed, this new universe has a few changes to it. For example, Mr. Johnson is now Sara's school principal rather than her science teacher. This is to reflect the changing times. Right-wing so-called "Christians" have made Donald Trump their "golden calf" (to borrow a biblical term. Just because I'm an atheist doesn't mean I haven't read the Bible) and have basically replaced any semblance of following the word of Jesus (not that they were really big on that in the first place, what with all the "love thy neighbor" and "help the poor" stuff that Jesus was about) with Trump worship. To get to the point, the academic "villain" to the far right is no longer the evolution-teaching science teacher, but the teacher/administrator at the school who "censors" them by being intolerant of their intolerance. By extension, while Sara would still call herself a "Christian" (or, rather "Christen") and hold the same types of bigoted views as she did in the original universe, religion as a whole is a much smaller part of her character this time around. Also, Sara's father is no longer a wealthy CEO, but instead the town's police chief. This is partly because racist cops have been a horrifyingly topical subject these past few years, but mostly because I realized that there's a huge plot hole with Sara being obscenely rich yet still attending public school. I'm surprised that no one pointed that out.
> 
> Lastly, for anyone confused by the mention of "Gorgosaurus" and wondering what this obscure tyrannosaurus relative has to do with anything, that was Sara's misspelling of "George Soros". For those of you who don't know who he is, he's some rich old Jewish guy who right-wing conspiracy theorists believe is an all-powerful puppet master behind all the things they don't like. If you have time to kill and want a more in-depth explanation of who he is and why right-wingers hate him, here's an article: https://www.thedailybeast.com/theres-been-a-george-soros-for-every-era-of-antisemitic-panic . For the purposes of this story, though, he'll basically be replacing Satan much like how Donald Trump is replacing God. Again, it's a change to better fit with the times)


	3. CHAP 2: ENTRIN NEONTINDO WORD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara fites a misteros noo enema at tha gooleg and than gose 2 Nitnendo wrold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So todey wuz tha lats day b4 CRISSmes brake (NOT HAPY HOLEDAY U POETICALLY CATARACT SWJS) and Im exited taht I dont hav 2 go 2 skool 4 awile becuz skool iz dum adn macadamia iz run bye sjew commulists aneyway. Insted I get 2 spend tim with Lauren witch iz grate becuz shes my best bff friend forever and shes relly pritty and I luv her (NOT IN A LESBAN WAY IM STRATE U COMMULISTS KEP ADVANCEN THA GAY AJENDA AND NAO STRAIT PEPOLE R MOAR OPRES THAN TEH GAYS EVAR WER. BEAN GAY IZ RON! UR DETERGENCY NEEEDS 2 STAP!).

CHAP 2: ENTAREN NINTANDO WOLRD

Teh land off Sabrina wuz a god-foreskin cuntry taht wuz reely cold lik a milan digress bellow zero (thats Amerkan digress not foren digress. Remamber taht tha F in Amurka digress stans 4 FREEDAN wile tha C in foren digress stans 4 COMMULISM) and ther wer pollster bares and abdominal snowmans runen arond eetin pepole adn also it wuz rilly cold their. Butt we had 2 go their becuz we had no choose butt 2 saev Validar Poontang frum teh golett.

 

We driv up 2 tha gooleg and loked insid. A buncha commulists wer their maken Pooten and teh otter conservativ Rushans twerk al day braking rocs. We noed we had 2 saev tham if we wantad 2 get 2 Nentindo word. I noed we had 2 sneek 2 getin so I used tha stealthest plain I cold thank of. I leeped ovary tha fens and shat sum gards with my dads polite gun.

 

"Hurray Poutine! Wer hear 2 rescu u!" I shatted. This gotted the atenshun of sum otter gards so they tred 2 stap us. Butt I pulled ot my dads tarsier and shat it at on of them and he wuz elected 2 deth. Than the otter Smash bros carectars came and we beeted up al tha gards. I explan 2 Putain wut hapan.

 

"Ok lukely I hav a way 2 get 2 Nuntendo word rite hear" Poutine sed. He puled ot a remoat and press a buten. Sudanly a porthole apear. Butt b4 we cold go insid sudanly a membar of antyfa fly down from top of sky! Tha antefa persan wuz wear a mask so I coldant see who it wuz (auntiefas r COWHERDS who r to scarred 2 sho there feces) butt I cold tel it wuz a reely big purpol dragen with weens and a tale and everything.

 

"Sara! Im gona stop u and defeet fashism!" sed tha antefa dragen.

 

"No ur tha reel fashest becuz u brake widows and nok ovar trash can and stuf!" I sed. Tha anita drogon didant hav a respons 4 my flawlas argumant off lojek and resin so he try 2 impala me with tale. Butt I dogged it becuz im reely quack.

 

"U will nevar rescu Donnel Tramp! I wil stop conservativs in tha naem of Jorge Sores and Brock Obaba and Hilrey Cliton!" sed tha antfa drugan. Butthan Miek Penis and Vlodmart Pootin startad 2 thro rocs at tha antefa dragin.

 

"Hurray Sara! U muts go 2 Niitendo woorld rite nao! Its tha onely way 2 saev Presadant Turnip!" they sed. So me and tha Smash Bros carectars escap in2 porthole wile Pants and Poutine staid behid 2 fite tha antafa druddigon.

 

Wat wil hapan next and who wuz taht antyfa dragan? Its a secrete! Be shur 2 kep reedin this storey 2 fine ot!

 


	4. CHAP 3: THA SMUSH MENTION

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara finely arivs at tha Smeosh Mandrill and meats everone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi agen everone! Its onely 3 moar days untel Crimbus! Its aslo tha weekanda so I wented 2 Laurens hose 2day and pley Smash Bors wither and Im stil their becuz its a slapovar BUTT WERE NOT GONA DO LESBAN STUF! Hobosexalty wuz invent bye globalest clitoral marxests 2 convins wite pepole 2 hav sax with pepole off tha saem gengar insted off maken wite babbys. If u dont no wut a globalest iz, there evul pepole who want 2 distroy wastern silvallyation. Thye contral tha medea and tha bonks and they say "oy vay" and dont eet prok and they celibate hariyama insted off crismos. We ned a finale salutation 2 globelests liek maybe we cold putt them al in speshal camps and kil them with posion gas. Butt wenever I say we shold do this everone cals me a notzee 4 sum resin. NOT EVERONE U DISGREE WITH IS A NOTZEE U COMMULISTS!!!111!!!

CHAP 3: TEH SMUSH MANTEON

 

Wen I gotted 2 tha otter sid of tha porthole I sawed tha Smahs Manshan were al tha Smas Bras caretakers lived. It wuz teh bigamist hose I ever sawed if my leif.

 

"U need 2 meat al th otter carektors. Theres a buncha otter gud conservativs hear" sed Licensea.

 

Butthan sudanly I sawed I tall pritty Britesh women wering glases.

 

"Iz taht a conservativ?" I aksed.

 

"Bluddy no!" sed Sholk "tahts my bluddy sitar Banette. She usde 2 be a conserpentiv butt than she bluddy went 2 bluddy collage and her commonest profesar told her 2 bee a bluddy antyfa lesban with Samas bluddy sitar Drake Samas."

 

"If it isant my bluddy bruther Sholk" sed Banette "ur teh wankest wankar who evar wanked!"

 

"U BLUDDY TAEK TAHT BAK U BLUDDY LORRY!!!" Sholk Briteshed angerly.

 

"No I bluddy wont" Banette sed. Than she runed away 2 go maek ot with her gurlfren Dork Samas. Than I wented 2 meat al teh carectors. Hoever wen I gotted 2 tha Manshan dore a reely big glov stoped me.

 

"Helo im Master Hank tha leeder off Smash Manseon. U hav 2 bee a Smash Bros carektor 2 get in hear" sed tha glov.

 

"Butt I hav 2 saev Donor Trunk!!!" I sed.

 

"Tahts 2 bad. Aslo Tromp isant a gud presadent aneyway I thank hes recast and saxest and stuf" sed Mister Hanes.

 

"Tats FAEK NOOS!!!" I sed "aslo Mexakans nd Muzloms arent rases so its not rasest 2 hat tham and want them ded."

 

"Its stil ron 2 want 2 kil inosent pepole" sed Mystery Hemp.

 

"Butt there not inasent there cumin 2 Amarka 2 do crims and terorisms and taek guvmint munny and voet 4 Demakrats and maek moar babby than wite pepole so eventully ther wont be aney wite pepole left!!!" I sed.

 

"Tahts not wut tha medea sez" sed Mustard Hans.

 

"Tahts becuz tha meedia is run bye globalests lik Gorgosaurus who want 2 distroy Amarka" I sed.

 

"I dont beleev u" sed Monster Hind "aslo u stil cant go in tha Manshan becuz ur not a Smash careactor."

 

"Tahts wer ur ron!" I sed. I puled ot a noet taht Miek Pants gived me taht wuz riten bye Doneld Tromp himslef sayen taht I wuz gonna be a DLC carroter. Pritend taht I gotted this noet in a erlier chaptar I forgot 2 rite abot it. Mister Hanes noed he coldant disobay a diract odor from tha Precedent of Untitled Stats himself evan if he didant liek Tramp so he had no choys butt 2 let me in.

 

Wen I gotted in2 tha Manshan I meeted with sum otter conservativ Smashars. In adishun 2 tha pepole who came erlier ther wuz tha three Maro bruthers (Mayo and Loogey and Docker Maestro) and Sonak and Mark and Lossinas frends (Ruy (Roi and Mark used 2 speck Spanash insted off Englash becuz wen they wer furst putted in Smash Barak Obema wuz stil presadent and he maed them spek Spanash so taht Mexakans wold cum 2 Ameraka 2 play tha gaem becuz theres no elasticity in Mexako. Butthan in Smesh Ultramint Donnel Turnip wented 2 meet with Kum John Poon (tahts tha Asen guy who maeks tha vido gams) and tolded him 2 maek them speek Engulsh nao. Clod stil speks Spanash 4 sum resin im gessin its Jorge Sores falt butt Im haven him speck Inglesh in thes storey aneyway TAEK TAHT U COMMUNEST GLOBOLASTS!!!) and Icke and Boi Roban and Gril Roben and Buoy Korean and Gurl Corn) and ther wuz Peech and Zilda and Dizzy and Shrek and Kerby and Keen Dende and Nass and Lucius and Samas and her bruther Magaman (I thank Samas and Drake Samas and Mageman r tha childrens of Maryo and Petch becuz Mairo wuz with Samas and Megman in taht 1 vido with Ridlay and aslo Samas has blood hare liek Peech witch u can see wen u pik Zora Soot Samas). Butt ther wer aslo librul commulists liek Dunkey Khan and Didy and Fux and Falcon and Caption Falco and Wlof and al tha Poakmons and Drake Pet (Petes bruther who joind Antefa) and Dork Samas and Banette and Meat Nite and Boozer and Booze Janitor and Gandalf and Kinky Roll and Izbell and Pyrenees Pant. Ther wuz aslo sum otter pepole butt I forgoted abot them.

 

I haned ot with tha gud conservativ pepole 4 awile b4 sumon eels shoed up. It wuz a reely big purpol dragan.

 

"Sorey im laet everone I wuz in tha bathrome and wuzant busey taken Miek Penis and Voldemort Poontang 2 tha plas wer Doneld Tromp is captar becuz im not tha antefa dragen" sed teh drogan.

 

"Lol uv ben goen 2 tha bathrom alot latly u shold go see my unkol Doktar Maroi abot taht" sed Samas.

 

"No im gud" sed tha dragen. I noed this dragin wuz a gud conservativ becuz reel mans dont go 2 tha docktor.

 

"Aslo we hav a noo persan hear" sed Samas "thus is Sara. And Sara this is my frend Ridlay."

 

"Nise 2 meet u becuz we nevar meeted b4 becuz I wuzant fitten u erlier becuz im not tha antefa dragen" sed Rildey.

 

"Tanks" I sed.

 

So I wuz nao a Smash bros carektor. Butt I stil didant no hao 2 saev Donal Trip and I didant no who taht dragon who ataked erlier wuz. I new I had 2 werk hard if I wantad 2 win.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This seems like the right time to inform everyone that this wasn't originally going to be a continuity reboot. I originally came up with the idea to write another Mishonh story after the August 8 Direct, and the decision to make it a reboot didn't come until late September or early October (I forget when exactly, but it was around there somewhere). So, there are one or two story elements that are relics of that original plan. For example, the "mysterious" Antifa dragon is a "plot twist" I was going to use to resolve the fact that Ridley was portrayed as heroic back in the first story. While most of the plot points I thought up before coming up with the reboot idea were dropped, I decided to keep this one because I think not having the context of him being Taylor Swift's bodyguard in an earlier story makes it even more hilarious that absolutely no one, not even Samus, suspects him of anything. As for Samus being good now (well, I don't think you could call Sara's side the "good" one. I suppose "protagonist-aligned" is a better term), before the reboot I was going to have Sara handwave that away by saying that the evil Samus of the previous stories was actually Dark Samus the whole time. Another thing I decided to keep from the original continuity was Master Hand. Despite the World of Light trailer showing that Master Hand was just one of hundreds, he's basically everyone's favorite Mishonh character so I couldn't just get rid of him)
> 
> (One last note, written right before I uploaded this: If you were looking forward to reading about Joker in this story, it will unfortunately be awhile before he can show up. I wrote a number of chapters ahead of time during the gap between uploading the prologue and the release of Ultimate. In other words, Joker wasn't revealed yet at the time. In fact, at the time of uploading the first chapter of Sara's story (which Archive of Our Own will list as "chapter 2" due to the site not really having a way of handling prologues), I had ten chapters written, eight of which were finished before the Joker reveal and Ultimate's release. My writing speed kinda slowed down to a near stop in the immediate aftermath of the game coming out due to me spending more time actually playing Ultimate than writing this, as you might expect. However, I've since been able to pick up writing again due to the fact that I'm actually uploading chapters now and need to keep pace or else I'll run out of buffer. The first set of these end-notes was also written during that gap, so I didn't know about that one awesome sequence towards the end of Ultimate's story mode that justifies my decision to keep Master Hand, though I did end up learning about this a few weeks before release due to data miners spoiling pretty much the whole game. Joker wasn't leaked, though, so you could say he was a Last Surprise that I never saw coming (I'm very sorry).)


	5. CHAP 4: SARSAS FROST MITCH

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara fites tha furst battol off her Smosh carer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im stil at Laurens hose 4 tha wekend 2day. Im so excite 2 bee wither. We play alot of Smash bras butt we can do taht evan wen were not at tha saem hose tanks 2 onlin. Tha beast part is just bean abel 2 shit next 2 her on the coach and feel her buddy toch min. Its alweys vary exiting.

CHAP 4: SARAS FURST MACH

Teh naxt day I wuz cal 2 tha studiem 4 a fite. My pratner 4 tha mach wuz Ridlay and my oponents wer Keen Rickroll and Inseminator. That oposen teem wer both werin there antyfa masks and hoodeys so I coldant tell witch 1 wuz witch butt I noed it wuz Inkay Rool and Incelroar becuz teh anoncer sed there nams. I charg at tham and gotted ot the polite gun and shat them a buncha tims.

 

"Ow" they sed wen they wer shat with gun. I then gotted ot tha tazor and eelektrossed them. I wuz doen reel well in tha fite wen sudanly I wuz hitted frum behind and falled 2 tha grond.

 

"Oops I hitted u bye mistak and not on porpoise" sed Riddle. Becuz off that axident tha bad guys were able 2 retalate. 1 off tham gotted ot canon and shat me withit and teh otter did sum reslin movs. I fled off tha stag.

 

"Dont worey Sara ill sav u" sed Ready and he jump aftar me and garb me. Butthan we both jus falled of and loosed.

 

"Bloo teem winz" sed tha anoncer. R oponents hi-fivde each otter.

 

"This provs commulism and demakrats r beeter than crapitelisam and republekens!" sed 1 off tham.

 

"Ya this mach wuz completly fare and not rigg bye haven Saras partner secretely been on r sid" sed tha otter.

 

"Ridlay wut hapan?" I axed aftar tha mach.

 

"Sorey Sara I forgotted how 2 fly" sed Rildey.

 

"Its OK jus dont letit hapan agen" I sed.

 

Butthan sudanly Gloom tha big shiney bad guy from word off lite shoed up.

 

"Iv ben sent bye Jorge Sorean and tha derp stat and tha demoncarp partey 2 captar Sara so she cant sav Donold Trmup" sed Gallon.

 

"Ono!" I sed. Than he shat out a buncha lazers lik in tha game and hitted a buncha Conservatev Smashars and disinterested them.

 

"Mawhahahahahahaha!!!" he sed "nao if u want 2 rescu tham u muts cum 2 my evul layer were I can captar u 2!"

 

Than he telaproted awey. Tha Patrotec Cuntservatev Smashars who wer captared wer Poon Lonk and Yung Lank and Crome and Rooster Bellmant and Rio and Pet and Snape and Mayro and Patch and Sanic and Rooy and Gurl Roban and Buy Corn and Shaq and King Daddyde and Luscious and Megalodon . So I teemed up with Lucyna and Lunk and Mark and Sholk and Simone and Kan and Clod and Palatinate and Lugia and Dr Mallow and Iek and Boi Roben and Grilled Corn and Zorldo and Dazzy and Krabby and Nees and Samas and Riddler. We wold hav 2 jerny 2 Galens hose 2 defeet him and rescu r frends.

 


	6. CHAP 5: JERRY 2 GALAMES HOSE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara gose 2 rescu her frends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi agen everone its CRISMAS EEV (NOT HAPPAY HOLEDAY EEVEE!!!) so thes mite bee a shart chaptar becuz I hav lotsa impotent stuf 2 do. Aftar Crimsas Ill be goen 2 Laurens hose agen and well sho of r new cloths 4 ech otter. If u aks me tahts evan moor exiting than Crismes itsefl. I cant wate 2 see hao pritty Lauren loks!

CHAP 5: JERNY 2 GOLLUMS HOSE

 

So me and teh otter concertatev Smashars wer al getin reedy 2 go fite Goldeen butt ther wuz 1 problam. We didant no wer he lived.

 

"Hay I got idea wy dont we lok in Sans Frendisco?" sed Nose.

 

I reelized taht this made alota sens becuz Send Ferrothorn wuz a dijonarat sitty were liek a billon librul commanests lived. So it wuz passable taht Galem liv their 2. So we al wented 2 their.

 

Wen we gotted 2 Sin Fandango we sawed a buncha gays haven sax on tha midol off tha rode in a gay ogre. It wuz vary discussing.

 

"Stop doen taht rite nao so we can fine Golem!" I sed.

 

"No" sed gays and they stopped haven sax and putted on sum antyfa cloths and startad chasen us. Lukely we wer abol 2 escap tham. Than we deicided 2 nok on sum dores and ask 4 infomation. We noked on a dore and 2 womens ansered.

 

"Hi can u tel us wer Gullman livs so we can defete him and be 1 step closar 2 saven Donald Tromp and maken Amurka grape agen?" I aksed.

 

"Hao dare u fashests cum my mine and my wifes hose?! Prepair 2 dye!" It turd ot taht tha womens wer lesban antyfas al alon and they putted on there anita masks and chased us awey.

 

"Sara I dont bluddy thank any1 is gonna bluddy help us" sed Sholk. I gessed he wuz rite becuz everone in Sand Fernsaco wuz a hobosexal in antefa. Ther had 2 be a otter way 2 find ot were Galem liv. Than I sudanly sawed a torisum pamflet on tha grond. I reeded it and sawed sumthin impotent.

 

"Galim dosant just liv in Sun Fantastico. Hes tha mayer!" I sed. So we wented 2 tha mayers orifice bilden and noked on that dore. Gileem ansared.

 

"Giv us r frends bak RITE NAO!!!" I sed.

 

"No!" sed Gallon and he slam teh dore onus. We wold hav 2 thank off anotter plane 2 rescu everone.

 


	7. CHAP 6: THA AMBOSH

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Theres a ambish at Glooms hose!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marry Kristen everone! 2day wil be anotter shit chaptar becuz off wut day itis. I hop everone lieks it unles ur a commulist librul in witch case I hop u hat it becuz I hat u.

CHAP 6: TEH AMBASH

 

Aftar Gilgamesh slam tha dore onus we noed their had 2 be anotter way 2 getin his hose and rescu r frends.

 

"Mayby we cold snek in tha bak" sed Pollutena.

 

"Tahts a grate idea" I sed "butt we shold wate untel tha midol off tha nite so it wold be moar sneaker."

 

"Wate 1 minuet I ned 2 go 2 batrome" sed Ridlay. And he leeved.

 

Tat nite aftar we sawed that Galim had gon 2 bed Riddey wuz stil not bach. We deisided 2 brake in aneyway insted off waten 4 him 2 get back frum tha bathrum. Kurby hitted tha dore withis hummer 2 brake it of hingas and we run in.

 

"well well well I noed u wold bee hear" it wuz tha antyfa dragan! Butt hao did he no we wold be their?!

 

"Hao did u no we wood be her?!" I sed.

 

"MWAHAHA!!!" sed tha anteefa drogon "Ill nevar tell! ANTIEFA ATTACK!!!"

 

Sudanly abuncha antifas came everywhere adn ataked us with biek lochs. We fotted bak. Butt we had 2 maek shur 2 bee vary quite or eels tha cumocean wold wak up Gulleam becuz his bedrom wuz tha rome diractly 1 flor abov us. I usde the polise gun and shat liek a trilyan ballets at tham. Loosina and Matt and Clod and Icke use there sords and so did Lank and aslo he throed bomrangs and boms and shat eros. Sholk used Monsanto power and Simian used wip and holey waiter and crust bonerangs and axew. Kin did marital arts and shat hobokens everwhere and Palpatine reined hooley furry on tha antefas. Luweegee shat furballs and Dr Mayo shat pils and Boey Robe shat majak and so did Zilda and Nes. Gurl Korean did dragan stuf and Dizzy shat turdnips and Kerby usde his hamar and Samas shat lazar balls and missols. Soon al tha antefas wer ded expect 4 tha anitfa draagon himslef.

 

"Nao tellus were Gollum is keep r frends!!!" I shatted at top of lung.

 

"Grr u mite off winned this tim butt u wont evar win next tim agen!" he sed and fly of. Lukely r fite wuz quite enuff taht Glalie wuzant awak bye it. So we wer abol 2 lok arond. Soon we sawed a sine taht sed "secrete prisan" pointen 2 tha bassment. We wented don tha stares and fond the rome wer al r frends wer tye up. We untid tham and escap with expart stelthy. Ridlay meated us otside tha mayer hose.

 

"Sorey I wuz in bathrom 4 long tim" he sed.

 

"Its ok" I sed "we rescud everone aneyway."

 

And than we all retuned 2 Smash Manshan.

 

 


	8. CHAP 7: WHOSE DA ANTIYFA DREAGAN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara dose sum defective werk 2 try 2 fine tha antufa drogon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi agen everbuddy! I wented 2 Laurens hose and we shoed r new cloths 2 eech otter. I alweys liek wen we do taht becuz shes tha prittest grill in tha wrold and I liek sean her in pritty cloths. Shes my beast fern and I luv bean arond her.

CHAP 7: WHOS THA ANTYFA DROGON

 

Wen we gotted back frum Sans Fandango we noed their wuz a problam. Teh Anita Dragen had ataked agen and we still didant no who it wuz. We gathared al off tha Conservatev Smashars 2geter 4 a mating 2 figur ot tha idolatry.

 

"Teh Antyfa dragan has 2 be someon who is a dragan" I sed "we no that muk."

 

"Good thanken Sara" sed Mayro.

 

We desided 2 go thro tha passable suspacts. Boi Koran and Gurl Quran both cold turd in2 dragans butt Buy Korean wuz captar and Gril Corn wuz withus wen we fot tha antyfa dregan so they wer both inosent. And Rilday wuz in tha bathrom wen we fot tha antfa druddigon so I didant thank it cold be him ether. Taht left aney otter dragan as a remainen suspact. Yosi wuz a dinsore witch is basicly tha sam thin as a dragin and aslo he wuzant withus in San Fernsaco evan tho he wuz r frend (akshully I forgotted abot him lol tahts the reel resin he wuzant their. Butt in tha storey hes stil a suspict). Tha otter suspucts wer al libruls maken them tha prim supsects. Ther wuz Bowsar who wuz a turtol not a dragen butt he cold breath firs so he still conted and Bozar Junor wuz his sun so he wuz a sospect 2. Chairzerd wuz 1 off tha Poakman tranners Poakmans and he wuz a dragun 2 so he wuz maybe teh anitfa drugan. Their wuz aslo Kink Rule wuz a chocodile witch is kinda liek a dragin. Their wer aslo sum libruls who had weens so taht they cold fli arond lik tha antefa dragon cold. Thes wer Falcor who wuz a burd and Metal Nite who cold fli and Drake Pete who wuz a evul angle. Dick Cunt wuzant a librul butt tha duk had weens so it wuz aslo a suspact. We rited al these nams don in a last and wented 2 intervew tham. Yosi and Duke Haunt wer abol 2 cler there nams almos imedately and next we interogat Bowsar.

 

"Were wer u wen we wer fitten tha antyfa dragun in Sen Fantastic?" I aksed.

 

"I wuz watchen tha lust jedy with my sun" sed Boozer. That cheeked ot becuz libruls luv taht movey 4 distroyen Stair Wuz with soshal justas. Taht aslo meent taht Boswer Juno coldant bee tha anetfa drgan ether.

 

"I wuz protestin teching tha bibal in skool with tha otter Poakmans" sed Charliezard.

 

"I wuz drinken kofy frum Steerbaks" sed Keen Casserole.

 

"I wuz haven gay sax with Fux an Woof" sed Flacco.

 

"I wuz colectin my wefar chek" sed Meat Nite.

 

"I wuz protestin 4 moar womans rites" sed Dork Pat who wuz evan stil werin his pusey hat.

 

It turd ot taht they al had alibys becuz they wer doen librul stuf. Butt if nun off them wer tha anetfa dragan than who wuz?

 

"Hey Sara I hav idea" sed Losena.

 

"Wut?" I aksed.

 

"Maybe tha antafa drogon iz Ratloss" she sed.

 

"O I forgoted abot him" I sed. Ratelus wuz a dragen who wuz a bos so he didant liv in tha Manshan. We wold hav 2 go ot and fine him 2 ask if he wuz teh anafa drogon.

 


	9. CHAP 8: MEETIN WRATHLUST

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara meats Rapeloss tha dragon and fines ot if hes tha antyfa dragin or note.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi agen everone. I putted a pictar off meself and Lauren on tha intranet and sumon cometed taht they thot we wer lesbans. WE R NOT LESBANS!!! Wy do pepole thank we r?

CHAP 8: METANG RALPHOS

We wented 2 Ratlos hose expect it wuzant a hose becuz he lived otside liek a pore persan. Taht wuz vary suspishus off him.

 

"Sho urself Ratalus" I sed. Than he fly up.

 

"Wut do u want?" he aksed.

 

"Ur tha anita drogon I no u r" I sed.

 

"lol no Im not" he sed.

 

"Lyar ur tha onely passable suspict!" I sed.

 

"I dont evan no wut ur talken abot" sed Rathlus. I reelized he wuzant gona talk so I pulled ot my tarsier and shat him with it to election him.

 

"Ow" he sed. Than he breathed furs at me.

 

"Aha!" I sed "ur atecking that provs ur tha antafa dragun!"

 

"Im ateckan becuz u ataked me furst!" he sed. Than he shat moar firs at me. We had a battal butt in the end I defeated him and noked him 2 tha grond.

 

"Ow" he sed agen butt moar hurted this tim.

 

"Nao admet that ur tha antfa dregan!" I sed.

 

"No becuz im not" he sed.

 

"Well wuts ur prof?" I aksed.

 

"This feeld iz were I liv I nevar leev hear" he sed.

 

"Oh ok" I sed. So Ratalos coldant be tha antefa dragin. I wuz compliantly stump. He wuz tha onely suspact I had. If he wuzant teh anitfa dregan...... than who wuz?! I turd arond and startad 2 hed back 2 tha Smash Mention butt than I remembar that Rathlus wuz hoamles. So I called tha polite on him and had him attested 4 vagancy and tehy beeted him up and taked him 2 prisan. Hoamless pepole r stooped and annoyen and lazey so they shold al be in prisan sins they r 2 lazey 2 get job.

 

Aftar we gotted back 2 tha manshan ther wuz anotter mating off conservativs.

 

"If Rathelus isant tha antefa dragin than who is?" aksed Mark.

 

"I dont no butt its not me" sed Ridlay "I wuz in tha bathrom remembar."

 

"Wev aksed evary bluddy suspact and it isant any bluddy 1 off tham" sed Sholk.

 

"Well thers notin eels we can do lets giv up 4 now and hop he just gose awey and nevar cums back" I sed. And so we didant find ot who tha antyfa draggon wuz. Wold we fine ot in tha futur? Keep reedin 2 c if we do!


	10. CHAP 9: BECKY CUMS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sum1 noo cums 2 tha Manshan butt it isant gud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol Becky is so stooped. I sawed her posten onlin abot hao she thanks Jokar iz in Smash. Obvesuly taht isant reel becuz Teh Jocular is tha bad guy frum Bartman and wy wold they putt him in if Bateman isant evan in tha gam yet? Tahts dum. Alos I hav tha gaem and he isant init so I prov tha stooped librul Becky ron with LOGAK and RESIN liek Ben Sharpedo. Tahts hao smert Iam.
> 
> (I'll probably write a note on an earlier chapter explaining this, but in case I forget, these chapters are written in advance. This chapter was the first one to be written after Joker's reveal and Ultimate's release, so that's why he wasn't brought up before this point. As for when Sara will realize who he is and actually put him in the story, that will take a bit. Also, I'm writing this chapter after taking a week-long break to actually play Ultimate following its release. Following Joker's reveal, I originally came up with the idea to have the "Smash Mansion" in the story actually be Sara's Palace and have Joker's introduction in the narrative be in the form of the Phantom Thieves coming in to change Sara's heart (this probably doesn't make sense to people who haven't played Persona 5, but I'm sure you can find a plot synopsis of the game somewhere online that explains this). I ended up deciding against this the more I thought about it, though, because I already did the whole "shit gets meta and Sara learns to stop being horrible" thing in the last story. So, now even I don't know how exactly I'll be handling Joker's inclusion in Mishonh. I'm sure I'll think of something. Maybe I'll already have by the time I upload this)

CHAP 9: BECKY CUMS

It was a few dyas latur and we stil didant no who tha antyfa dragen wuz. Haoevar he alos didant atek us agen yet so maybe he gived up an leaved becuz libruls r lazey. Al off a sudan we herded Mister Hanes vois thro tha pa sistem.

 

"Everone cum 2 tha audinorum its vary impotent" he sed.

 

Wen we gotted their Mustard Hemp wuz stand in front off a curtan on tha audtorum stag.

 

"Its tim to welcum a noo carector" he sed. I hopped it wuz anotter conservativ butt it wuzant butt I didant no taht yet so I wuz still hopful at tha tim.

 

"Its sumon frum Saras unevirs" he sed. I hopped it wuz Lauren or mayby sum famus conservativ liek Ban Sharknado or Chairy Krack or Sorgan off Aked.

 

"IT... IS..." Monster Hank sed "...................................................................................................... BECKY!!!"

 

Tha curtan opan and Becky wuz stand their. Ono! Becky wuz my wurst enema she wuz a stooped librul swj commulist clitoral marxest who iz stooped and uglay and fat and stooped and I hat her. Shes so fat taht she wares siez 6 paints and she has big zots on her fase. Wurst off al is taht Im shur shes a lesban becuz she sez shes a femanest. Ass moar prof she dosant hav a bofrend. I aslo dont hav a bofrend butt tahts difrent becuz if I had a bofrend I woldant hav as much tim 2 spend with Lauren so I hav a exeggcute. Becky prolly has a lesban crosh on me and everthin butt its not liek I her or anethin. SHES SO STOOPED!!!

 

"Thank u for inviten me in2 Smesh Bros Mythster Hans" she sed.

 

"Ur welcum" sed Masser Hung.

 

I wuz mor angar than I evar wuz b4 in my leif! Hao cold Becky maek it in2 Smash Brus?! I went bak 2 my rome angerly and wented bak 2 bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (As another note related to Joker and this story, it would probably be awkward for him to meet Becky in here if this story cared about canon at all, since "Becky" is the name that his teacher uses for the whole maid service/implied-prostitution thing she does on the side in Persona 5. Of course, that won't be outright referenced by Sara in-story because she almost certainly hasn't played Persona 5 before).


	11. CHAP 10: ANTEFA DRAGAN RETUNES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tha anatfa dragun cums bak!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everone welcum 2 anotter chaptar. I dont hav anethin intrestin 2 say 2day so Id jus liek 2 remid yall IM NOTA LESBAN. R we cleer on taht?

CHAP 10: TEH ANITFA DRAGIN CUMS BACH

It wuz a few days latur and I wuz still anger abot Becky bean their. I wented in2 tha cortyard al angery and stuff and I sawed Becky wuz their with Izbell. They had a stan with cokeys and stuff.

 

"Hi were haven a baek sail 2 raze munny 4 pore pepole" sed Izbell. This mad me evan angerer.

 

"Wy wold u do taht?! Pore pepole r jus lazey if they wantad munny they shold get a job!" I shatted.

 

"Ur ron Sara!" sed Becky "given munny 2 pore pepole iz gud."

 

"No u shold giv tha munny u raze 2 rich pepole so tehy can crate moar jobs!" I sed.

 

"No if u giv munny 2 rich pepole thell jus hord it al and they hav enuff munny alredy" sed Becky.

 

"Shut up u commulist!" I shatted. I noked al the cokeys of tha tabel. Izbell startad cryen adn runed of cryen.

 

"Wy r u bean meen Sara?!" Becky gotted reel anger at me 4 sum resin "Izbell spented al day baken those cokeys and u ruined them bye noken them al on tha grond!"

 

"Well maybe u 2 sholdant hav been dong soshalisum hear with ur bak sail 4 lazey no gud pore pepole!" I shatted bach.

 

Sudanly Mister Hans fly in.

 

"Sara Izbell tolded me u ruin her baek sail with Becky" he sed with angery "wy wold u do suck a thin?!"

 

"Becuz they were gona giv tha money 2 pore pepole" I sed.

 

"Butt given money 2 pore pepole is a gud caws" sed Mastur Hanes.

 

"No it isant!" I shatted.

 

"Evan if u dont thank it is u stil dont hav a rite to ruin al off Izbells cokeys" Mustard Hank sed.

 

"BUTT WUT ABOT MY FREEZE PEACH?!" I shatted.

 

"Free spech dosant aply hear" sed Maestro Hun "u ned 2 apoljizz 2 Izbell rite nao!"

 

I gotted so anger becuz Mestar Hung wuz sensar me 4 been conservativ!

 

"NEVAR!" I shatted. Izbell startad 2 cri agen.

 

"Sara Beckys rite ur reely meen" she sed soben.

 

"Shit up u stooped doog!" I shatted.

 

"Tahts it Sara!" Mosher Hemp shatted "go 2 ur rome rite nao!"

 

I strummed of angerly becuz I wuz censard. I had 2 stay in my romo for teh rest off tha day. Taht nite hoevar I waked up and sawed som1 eels wuz in my rome standen ovar my bed. It wuz tha antefa dragan!

 

"I herd u mad Izbell cri u evul fashest" he sed "so nao Im gona beet u up!"

 

Ono! Hao wold I get outa this 1?! Fine ot next tim!


	12. CHAP 11: SARA VERSAS THA ANTEFA DRAGEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara fites agenst tha antafa drogon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its almos tha and off tha yeer everone. Im luking forwerd 2 it becuz my parrots sed it wuz ok 4 me 2 invit Lauren ovary 4 New Yeers eevee! It will be grate 2 cuddol nex 2 her ass tha bill draps.

CHAP 11: SARA VERSAILLES TEH ANITA DROGON

Teh antyfa dragin imedately tred 2 impa me with his tale butt I did a bakwerds sumersalt 2 dog it. Than I retched undar my pilo and garbed tha loded gun I kep their evary nite jus in cas I ned 2 us my secant almondmint rites agenst sum libruls liek rite nao. I opined firs on him and shat him ovary and ovary agen until I wuz ot of ballets.

 

"Ow" sed tha antefa dragen in pane.

 

"Giv up antyfa dragun u cant beet me!" I shatted.

 

"NEVAR" he sed. Than he brethed furballs at me butt I dogged tham and I leeped outa bad and punked him in fase.

 

"Ow" he sed agen. He tred 2 gheb me butt I dogged agen and retched in2 tha nitestan 2 grab my tarsier. I shat him rite in the boi thin withit and electrifed him.

 

"Ow" he sed anotter tim. Than I did a karat chop on him.

 

"Antefa dragen u hav losed!" I sed "if u giv up nao and leev ill let u liv!"

 

"Hay Sara is taht Lauren rite behid u?" sed tha antafa dragan.

 

"Were?!" I aksed and turd arond. BUTT IT WUZ TRIK!!! He grab me wile I wuz destructed and drag me alon the grond and thro me thro a wal.

 

"Ow" I sed. Nao I wuz in pane. Lukely. Tha rome on tha otter sid off tha wall was Losenas rom.

 

"Sara wats ron?" Lusena aksed wen I brust thro her wal.

 

"Antyfa dragen iz ataken me!" I sed.

 

"Ono!" sed Lukena and she grab sord. Sean taht he wuz otnumbard nao tha antefa drogun sed "Grr" and flyd ot tha widow. Butt this hole experens wuz vary scary. Not onely did tha antufa dragan cum bak butt he evan noed who Lauren wuz witch ment it had 2 be on off my clos frends. BUTT HOO COLD IT BEE?!?!?!?!


	13. CHAP 12: ANOTTER INVASTEGATON

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara neds 2 do anotter invocation 2 fine ot who tha antyfa dragen iz.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS NOO YERS EEV EVERONE! Liek I sed yestarday Laurens cumin ovar 2 my hose. Im alweys so exited 2 spand tim wither. She is my everthin.

CHAP 12: ANUTER INFESTIGATAN

Taht mornen I gathared al off tha conservativs in2 tha matin rome to talk abot wut hapan lust nite.

 

"Ther iz a trater amoonguss" I sed wen everone gotted their.

 

"Gasp!" sed everone.

 

"Butt who cold it bee?!" sed Mark.

 

"I dont no" I sed "the onely pepole who arnt suspocts r me and Lossina becuz she wuz their 2. Any1 eels cold bee tha antufa dragen."

 

"Butt wut if Becky jus tolded 1 off tha otter libruls abot Lauren and tahts hao tha antefa dragun fonded ot?" sed Relday.

 

"Tahts imposabel becuz Becky iz 2 stooped 2 thank off taht on her on" I sed "aslo I didant tel any1 taht tha antefa dragan noed abot Lauren yet so hao did u no abot taht Ridey?"

 

"Its not becuz im tha aintfa dragun or anethin. I wuz jus in tha batroom neer ur rome last nite and herd tha hole thin wen tha antafa dregan ataked" he sed "I wold uf cum 2 halp butt I wuz 2 busey poopen."

 

"Oh ok" I sed. Than I expand 2 everone wut exacly hapan last nite.

 

"Gasp!" sed everone wen I finnish tha storey.

 

"Butt if tha bluddy antafa dragen wankar iz 1 off us than who tha bluddy hel iz it?" aksed Sholk.

 

"Dont worey. I hav a prim suspact" I sed.

 

"Gasp!" everone sed agen.

 

"Tha antefa dragin obvesly iz......." I ponted at the persan I thot it wuz ".... U GURL KORAN!!!!"

 

"Wut?!" sed Grill Corn.

 

"It maeks so muk sens. U r reely pritty. So pritty taht I get lesban felons ever tim I lok at u. And if u maek me feel lesban felons taht must meen ur a lesban. And if ur a lesban u muts bee a librul. And if ur a librul than u must bee teh antidisestablishmentarianismfa dragun!!!" I shatted. Gurl Korean startad cryen.

 

"Hao dare u acus my sitar off taht Sara?!" sed Boi Korn "shes nota lesban she has a bofrend and everthin."

 

"Ya!" sed Roi. He walked ovar 2 Greil Corn and wiped tha teirs of her fase and than kised her vary straitly.

 

"Ono!" I sed "Im so sorey! Its ron 2 acus gud strait conservativ gurls off bean lesbans (so everone who acuses me off bean a lesban STOP DOEN TAHT RITE NAO)!!!"

 

"Its ok I no u wernt dong it 2 bee meen" sed Ghoul Coren.

 

I noed I wold hav 2 do moar defective werk by intervewin tha otter pepole in taht rome. On off tham had 2 bee tha antyfa dragan. I wuz thus clos 2 kraken tha case. I wold get 2 tha botem off this son!


	14. CHAP 13: THA ANTEFA DRAGANS IDENTATY REVILED SORTA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara fines ot who tha antyfa dragan iz.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hapey new yetr everone! I enjoyd spandin new yeers eev with Lauren butt she didnt kis my on tha lips rite wen tha bal drop and I didant liek it. We r not lesbans.

CHAP 13: TEH ANTAFA DROGONS IDANETY RELIEVED SOTRA

So if Gurl Cory wuzant tha antefa dragen than I had 2 fine ot who wuz.

 

"Mayby its..." I sed ".... u Yoshy!!!"

 

"No its not mee" he sed.

 

"Butt ur a dinsore witch iz tha saem thin ass a dragan" I sed "obvesuly taht mens ur tha antyfa dragun."

 

"No im not" sed Yeshua.

 

"Ya Sara Yoseys my frend hes not in anita!" sed Mayro.

 

"Say sumthin a librul wold nevar say than Yogi" I sed.

 

"Taxaton is thef! Big gubmint iz bad! Hilrey Cliton shold bee in prisan!" sed Yohi.

 

"Ok thos arnt thins libruls wold say" I sed "than tha atifa draogan iz... Buy Koran!!!"

 

"Wut?!" he sed.

 

"Ya! My bruthers inosent!" sed Gerl Cornea.

 

"Well I no he dosant hav a gurlfren 2 prov hao strate he is becuz tha otter 2 Fried Album gurls r Gurl Roban whose daten Matt and Loosena whose daten Boey Ribbon. And he turds in2 dragan witch is suspishus" I sed.

 

"OK I mite not hav a grilfrend butt there iz a gurl im in luv with" sed Buoy Karen.

 

"Well than who iz it?" I sed "if u dont say than I wont beleev ur strate!"

 

"Its..." he sed ".............. U SARA!!! IM IN LUV WITH U SARA!!!"

 

"Gasp!" I sed. I did not no wut 2 thank abot thes revelaton. Im not shur I want a bofrend becuz im closar 2 Lauren than I cold evar bee 2 a boi (NOT INA LESBAN WHEY!!!). Butt it wuz vary flatring and provde Booy Korens inosens. I desided declar tha metang 2 bee ovary so we cold al split up and seerch manshan 4 clooz. Wen I went past 1 rome I herd talken cumin frum within. I went in2 tha rome and sawed a buncha tv screns shoing tha insid off Jorge Saurus evul layer were Doneld Tramp and Mik Pants and Vlodmir Poutine wer al tyed up. Brock Obema and Hilrey Cliton wer their ploten evul stuf.

 

"lol yule nevar escap!" Clitoris laffed at Turnip.

 

"Tahts FAEK NOOZ becuz I no Sara iz guna rescu me and saev Amerka!" sed Tromp.

 

"Ya!" sed Penis and Pootin.

 

"No! Becuz Becky iz their and shell defete Sara and deduce her in2 been a lesban" sed Oboema "and if taht dosant werk than tha antyfa dragan wil kill Sara ons and feral."

 

"No she wil defete Becky becuz Beckys stooped and uglay. Aslo she will defete tha antafa dragun who captared us whose reel nam iz............" Tremp sed ".................................................... [NAEM]!!!"

 

Expect he didant say [NAEM] he sad tha aktual nam off tha antioch drogon. And it wuz someon reely shocken who I didant except! And Im shur u didant except them ether becuz off hao wel hidan tha clooz wer in tha storey!

 

"GASP!" I shatted vary lodly becuz of hao shoken it wuz. Waht naem did Donnel Ternt say?! Fined ot in tha next chaptar!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I'm sure people are glad that this whole plotline is about to be resolved, if the comments about how this dragon arc was starting to drag on (I'm sorry) were any indication. In retrospect, I probably could've shortened this whole "mystery" arc instead of letting it get so repetitive, but, well, that's my mistake. It's a fine line between "entertainingly bad writing" and "infuriatingly bad writing")


	15. CHAP 14: CUNTFRONTAN THA ANYIFFA DRAGUN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara confurts teh antofu dregan ons and feral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helo agen everone. Im so exited abot this chaptar becuz I no it will BLOW urminds ons u fine ot who tha antyfa drogon wuz. It iz prolly tha beast plot twest in tha histray off littenchur taht NUN off u accepted 2 cum. This riten will sho of my genus.
> 
> (Fun fact: since Sara is a human, her genus is "homo" (as in "homo sapiens"). Since Sara is so obviously attracted to other girls (no matter how much she denies it), and her writing has plenty of lesbian undertones as a result, the stuff she writes does indeed show off her "genus". In other words, she's technically not wrong there)

CHAP 14: CONFRANTEN TEH ANTEDFA DARGAN

"No she wil defete Becky becuz Beckys stooped and uglay. Aslo she will defete tha antafa dragun who captared us whose reel nam iz..........................................................................................." Tremp sed "................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ RIDLAY!!!"

 

"GASP!" I shatted. I cold not beleev it. I thot Riddler wuz my frend butt reely he wuz tah antfa drigan?! It wuz tha moast shoken thin taht evar hapaned in my leif! I new I had 2 confrant Ridlay imedately. I strummed ot off tha rome. Than I fond Rilday standen arond in a hellway.

 

"Hay Sara did u fine any clooz?" he aksed.

 

"Ya! I wented in2 that tv scren rome taht shos tha insid off Gorgosaurus evul layer were Donut Troop iz captar" I sed "AND HE SED UR TEH ANTFA DRGAN!!!"

 

"No! He mutts be ron!" sed Rudlay.

 

"TAHT PROVS IT EVAN MOOR BECUZ ONELY SUM1 INN AUNTIEFA WOLD EVAR THANK TAHT RONALD DUMP COLD BEE RON!!!" I shatted.

 

"Ono" sed Rodlay becuz I fond him ot. Butthan he smoled evully "ok Sara Ill confes 2 everthin. Cal everone bak 2 tha metang rome."

 

Taht wuz easer than I wuz exception! I ges it mad sens becuz libruls r so lazey so Rilday wuz prolly 2 lazey 2 fite. I cald everone bak 2 The Room.

 

"Everbuddy I hav a anoncement" I sed "I figurd ot who teh antyfa dragen iz. Its..."

 

"... u Sara!" Ready sed "u wer teh antafa dragun tha hole tim!"

 

Ono! It wuz a trik! Ridlay wuzant gona confes anethin!

 

"Gasp!" sed everone.

 

"Hao cold u Sara?!" sed Losena.

 

"U bluddy wankar!" sed Sholk.

 

"Wut? No! I wuz guna say Renly wuz teh antofa drugon" I sed.

 

"Gasp!" sed everone agen.

 

"Dont be deseev bye her lyes!" Rodlay sed "shes jus acusen me 2 tak tha blaem awey frum herslaf!"

 

Nun off tha otter carectors noed wut 2 do. They al startad panekin.

 

"Hooz tellin tha trooth?!" sed Icke.

 

"Their haz 2B a way 2 fine ot" sed Lonk.

 

"Ya butt wut shold we do?!" sed Sonak.

 

"Wate..." sed Dr Mayro "I hav a idea."

 

Everone stoped panaken becuz Dr Maroi wuz a docktar and dockters r smart so it had 2 bee a gud idea. He runned ovar to tha sid off The Room and garbed a trahs can and putted it in tha midol off tha rome.

 

"Luk at thes trsah can Ridlay and Sara" he sed. Everone steeped bach and wached ass me and Rilday starred at tha tras can. I noed wut Dr Maria wuz dong and it wuz a gud plan. B4 2 lon Rilday wuz sweeten. He coldant resis muk longar. Than it hapaned. He runed ovar 2 tha tras can and kik it and noked it ovar.

 

"Laddies and Gentmen taht saddles taht" sed Dr Maro.

 

"Grrr" sed Ridlay relizen he had ben fond ot.

 

"Ridlay hao cold u I thot u wer my frend" sed Samas.

 

"lol no I wuz a librul tha hole tim" sed Rildey "I votad 4 Hilrey Cliton and everthin."

 

Samas startad 2 cri butt lukely Mayo and Petch comfarted her. Than Ridlay flyd awey.

 


	16. CHAP 15: SARA VERSAS BECKY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara fites Becky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi agen everone. 2day wuz not a gud day 4 Amrica becuz tha demcrats wer givan control off tha hose of reapersensative. I dont no wy Doneld Turnip aloed tha electron 2 hapan he shold hav stoped it and gotted rid of congras and declar himslef suprim alpowarfel presadent 4 leif and sended tha milftary 2 kil aney libruls who protasted. Tahts wut I wold hav dun if I was presadent in odor 2 stap tha demkrats frum gettin rid off freedan and libarty. Off coarse its impasable 4 Dolan Turnip 2 be ron so he muts hav had a gud resin 4 not doen taht.

CHAP 15: SARA VERSAILLES BECKY

The naxt day everbuddy wuz stil upsat abot Rildays beetrial. Hoevar I had moar impotent thins to worey abot. I wuz gona fite a mach agenst Becky. I wuz anger taht I wood hav 2 see her agen butt at teh sam tim I wuz hapey taht I cold beet her up. We boht arivde at tha stag.

 

"Iv ben waten 4 this momant" I sed.

 

"So hav I" she sed butt moar fortashusly. Taht wuz DISCUSSING becuz IM NOTA LESBAN and evan if I wuz Becky is a uglay fat stooped librul who I dont hav felons 4 atoll.

 

"3 2 1 go" sed tha anonser. I imedately puled ot my gun and shat at Becky butt she dog ballets. I noed taht evan tho she wuz fat she wuz stil a trikey librul and ballets woldant be fas enuff 2 get her. So I puted my gun awey and ran up 2 fite Becky with bear hans! I runed up and garbed her bob NOT IN A LESBAN WAE IN A FITE WEY and she googled.

 

"Sara wy r u tochen my bobs u muts bee a lesban" she sed moken me.

 

"NO LESBAN! UR THA LESBAN!" I shatted.

 

Than Becky puled me tords her and kis me on tha lip. It wuz DISCUSSING and I wuzant turd on bye it atlatl!!! I defenetly dont fantasiz abot this hapanen evar!

 

"Stopit!" I sed.

 

"Sara theres notin ron with been a lesban" sed Becky "u no u want 2."

 

"No tahts GLOBALEST COMMULIST DEGENGARANSY! I ned 2 do my doody ass a wite women and marey a wight man and hav wheat babbys!" I sed.

 

"U sond liek a fashest" sed Becky.

 

"No librul demakrats liek u r tha reel fashests becuz u supart commulism!" I shatted. Than I puled ot my tarsier and shat Becky with it.

 

"Ow" she sed. Than I pushde her ot of tha arina.

 

"Sara winz!" sed tha anoncer. My victray them wuz tha nashunal antham and al tha conservativs stud up and putted their hanes on there harts and seen alon wile al tha libruls neil becuz there traters liek tha no gud ni... I men thug Colon Kappanick.


	17. CHAP 16: DRACOLAS TRIK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drakela shos up and dos a trike.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2day I reelizde taht Krismas brake (not Hapey Holday Brake!!!) iz almos ovary. It maeks me sad taht Ill hav 2 go 2 skull agen next weak. Wy do we hav 2 do taht?! Pepole say taht we do skull 4 ejaculation butt skool iz jus librul indoktranashun so wy didant Doneld Tramp get rid off it yet? Im gessin tha Demkrats r stopen him becuz there evul liek taht.

CHAP 16: BAKULAS TRIKE

It wuz a few day latur and al tha conservativs wer prepair 2 go 2 tha maul. I wuz exited becuz I cold go 2 al tha clothen stores. 1 off my favrit thins 2 do iz luk at al tha sexay longary and imagin otter pritty gurls werin it. It gets me so exited jus 2 thank abot. NAD B4 U LIBRULS SAY ANETHIN U SHOLD NO TAHT THERES NOTHUNG RON ABOT THINKEN ABOT PRITTY GURLS IN SEXAY UDDERWARE IT DOSANT MEEN IMA LESBAN. Aneyway we wer jus abot 2 leev wen sudanly a umpire apear!

 

"Helo everone" he sed.

 

"Wut r u dong here Darkula" sed Simian.

 

"Ya! Ur a evul librul comanest venipede" sed Reptar "u cant cum 2 mal withus."

 

"Butt I jus came 2 giv a presant 2 u Bellmant bros" sed Derpula. Than he retched in2 his pokat and polled ot sum soi beenz. Sumthin seemed reely ron abot thes butt I coldant remamber at teh tim.

 

"Wut r thes?" Aksed Semen.

 

"Its fod eet it" sed Dratini.

 

Sumthin in the bak off my hed wuz tellin me taht this wuz suspishus butt I stil coldant remimber wy. Than al off a sudan it hitted me. I remambered watchen vidos bye a reely smart Britash guy naem Pal Josaf Twatson. In thos vidos he sed taht wen mans eet soi beenz al there manleynas gose awey. Taht made sans becuz mans r supose 2 eat stakes and drink bears insted off eetin vegables.

 

"No Slimeman and Rapper dont eet taht!!!" I shatted. Lukely I wuz quack enuff taht Riktar wuz abol 2 spat ot tha soi beings. Butt Seaman had alredy swaloed sum off his!!!11!! He falled on tha grond and started scremen in pane. Aftar a few secants tho he stoped.

 

"Bro r u ok?" aksed Rectum.

 

"OMG hao dare u" sed Simen "Im not ur bruther im a gril nao chek ur prinplup ces skum!!!"

 

Ono! It wuz 2 laet! Tha soi beenz turded Simun Belmant in2 a transgengar!!!

 

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" shatted Rektar. Drakela laffed evully and turd in2 bats and fly awey.


	18. CHAP 17: MOR EVUL PLANZ

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara caches tha bad guys planen mor evul stuf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wented 2 tha mal 2day with Lauren and at tha maul yestarday and I wented in2 a stor 2 bye Lauren sum presants 4 birtday and valetin day (Laurens burthday is latter this moth and Violation Day is naxt moth). So Lauren wated otsid so tha supris woldant bee spoil. Wen I wuz dun shopen I gotted otsid and Lauren wuz talkan 2 Becky! Taht mad me so upsat. Aftar I shatted at Becky 2 leev I aksed Lauren wy she did taht. She tolded me 2 clam don and taht Becky wuzant tryen 2 flurt wither becuz Becky is strate. Taht maks no sens becuz Becky is a librul swj femanast so obvesly shes a lesban. Despit taht not maken sens I stil clammed don becuz Lauren huged me and givde me a kis ON THE CHECK BECUZ WERE NOT LESBANS.

CHAP 17: MOORE EVUL PLANZ

Tha next day I had anotter battol 2 fite. This tim it wuz a teem battle off me and Gurl Corn fitten Bowsar and Peechoo. Liek with the fite with Kink Rule and Incestroar erlier in thes storey Boozer and Poncho wer werin antefa masks adn hoodeys so I coldant tel witch on wuz witch. On off tham wuz brethin firs wile tha otter shat elasticity. Lucinda startad hiten tham wither sord wile I gotted ot my gun. Sudanly a Smas Bal apred and started flayen arond.

 

"Hurray Sara!" sed Loosnea "U hav a gun u can get ur finale smash!"

 

I sawed Lusena wuz busey fitten Bozor and Peeko so I startad shaten tha smash bell. Eventully it braked and I startad glowen. I actived my finale smash and it mad a polis car driv unto tha stag. 2 polite orificers gotted ot and beeted up Bowsar and Peechu b4 attestin tham and taken them 2 prism.

 

"Reed tem wines!" sed tha anoncer.

 

"Wow Sara u wer grate" sed Lusena.

 

"Tanks" I sed. And I huged her strately.

 

Aftar tha mach I wented past tha tv scren rom agen and herd pepole talkan. I wented in and sawed a evul metang betwin Alakazam Okaso Cortze and Gorgosaurus. Araquanid Okami Courtier iz a librul commulist congras ladey who I dont thank iz pritty and dont hav lesban felons 4 and who wants bad stuf liek helth car 4 lazey pore pepole and free ejaculation 2 indoktrinat everone in2 clitoral marxisum. Erlier in tha skool yeer we had 2 rite a papar abot r rool modals 4 Englash class and Becky rited abot her witch maeks her evan wors (I rited abot Doneld Tramp off coarse becuz hes tha gratest roll motel 4 aney1). Jorge Saurus iz tha secrete leedar off tha depp stat and hes a globalest who wants 2 maek al wite pepole turd in2 gays and lesbans so taht we wil dye ot and the globalest rase wil concur tha wrold and maek commulism.

 

"Dracolas plan 2 turd tha Belmant bros in2 trainsganders onely haf werked" sed Aloxanda Okaso Kortaz "Sara manag 2 stap Riktar frum eeetin tha soi beenz."

 

"Oy vay!" shatted Gorgosaurus becuz tahts a thin globalests say "taht gurl iz becum a newsans. She wuz aslo smart enuff 2 manage 2 fine ot taht Ridlay wuz tha antefa dragen al alon. And nao I herd she gotted Bozar and Peechu attested and sended 2 prisan."

 

"Shold I cal Gollum and aks him 2 try 2 captar her agen?" aksed Alaxana Orca Cortex.

 

"No thes tim u shold sand Galems bruther" sed Gyorg Sorean "Drakken."

 

Ono! Hao wold I defet this noo enemi?! Fined ot in tha naxt chaptar!


	19. CHAP 18: MASTUR HANES IZ MEEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mustard Hank iz reely meen 2 Sara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everone 2moro Ill hav 2 go bak 2 skull witch suks. I gess at lest their will be pritty gurls 2 lok at BUTT NOT IN A LESBAN WAY. Still tho im not hapey.

CHAP 18: MYSTERY HONK IZ MAEN

It wuz liek a hour latur and I wuz in tha batrome. I didnt no wut 2 do nao taht I noed taht Gorg Sarus himsilf wuz persanly ploten agenst me. Sudanly tha dore 2 tha rome opaned and I thot it wuz anotter pritty conservaativ gurl so I leeved tha stal I wuz in 2 luk at who it wuz and it wuz SIMEN BELMANT. He wuz wering makup and a dras and everthin.

 

"U CANT CUM IN HEAR THES IZ THA GRILL BATROM!!!" I shatted.

 

"Butt I m gerl" sed Simun.

 

"No ur not!!!" I shatted. Than he startad 2 cri.

 

"Im tellin Mister Hans on u u bigat!" than he runed awey. Liek a minuet latur I herd a cal on tha PA sistem.

 

"SARA CUM 2 MY ORIFICE RITE NAO!!!" Monster Hemp sed. So I puled up my pantees and skurt and leeved tha bathrom 2 go c wut he wantad.

 

Wen I goted 2 Mister Hungs oface he startad bean meen 2 me agen.

 

"Sara I herd frum Simone (tahts wut Simian cals himslef nao) taht u didant let her us tha batrom" he sed.

 

"Off coarse I didant becuz no mans shold bee in tha womans buttroom!" I shatted.

 

"trons womens r womans Sara" sed Maestro Hank "this manshan iz a trains inklosiv plas."

 

"Butt transgungans arnt reel there jus a globalest plot 2 distray westarn silvallyzashun!!!" I shatted.

 

"Tahts sonds liek a insan consperasy thery" sed Mystery Hen.

 

"No it isant! Globalests r evul pepole with big nosas who r reely gredy and liek munny and celibate hanaka insted off crismas and aslo tehy contral al tha banks and medea and want 2 wipe ot al wite pepole and implament commulism!" I shatted.

 

"Nao u sond liek a notzee" sed Mestar Hang. It wuz obves he wuz losen tha argumant becuz tahts wen libruls start callen u a notzee.

 

"U libruls cal everone u disgree with a notzee! Im jus sayen we ned 2 rond up al thos globalests who control banks and tha medea and thro tham in2 consecration camps and kil tham and than maek a noo sosiety with jus wite pepole and no dejennracy! Hao dose taht maek me anethin liek tha notzees?!" I shatted.

 

"R U SIRIUS?!" Mistar Hun shatted. I nodad.

 

Mosher Hound wuz rendared so spechlass bye my LOJAK and RESIN taht he didant say anethin for a few secants. Than he jus garbed me and throed my ot tha widow.

 

"Not a argomint!!!" I shatted as I flyd thro tha ski. I landad on tha grond a few melees away frum tha Manshan.

 

"Ow" I sed. I stud up and loked arond. Sudanly I notased crak in tha sky!

 

"MWA HA HA IV FONDUE SARA!!!" I herd a evul vois say. ONO! DURKON HAD FONDLED ME!!!


	20. CHAP 19: SARA GETS CAPTAR

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara gets captar buy Drakken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2dae I wented 2 skool agen. I shit nier Becky in thirst period Amanda Histray clas. I spant moist of tha clas starren at her WITH ANGRY! ALOTA ANGRY!!! Im stil anger taht she wuz toucan 2 Lauren on sitarday WUT GIVS HER THA RITE?!

CHAPO 19: SARA GETS CRAPTAR

"Ono!" I shatted as Dracon came.

 

"MWAHAHA Im gona maek u cum 2 Gorgosaurus!" Durkon shatted.

 

"No!" I shatted. I gotted ot my gun and shat at Drakken. A ballet hitted him in teh eye.

 

"Ow" he sed. Than he shat tentacools at me butt I dogged tham.

 

"Giv up I beeted ur bruther Gollum and Ill beet u 2!" I shatted.

 

"Grr I hat my bruther! He votad 4 Hilrey Cliton wen I votad 4 Burny Sandshrew!" shatted Drapion (lol teh laft iz eet itslef!!!).

 

Than he shat tentacools at me agen butt this tim they wer moar fastar and I didant dog tham.

 

"Ono!" I shatted. He had gotted me.

 

"Nao I wil taek u 2 Jorge Sores evul layer!" he shatted. And so he did.

 

Wen I gotted 2 Gyorg Soreass evul layer I wuz putted in a prisan sell. Than Gorgo Sorse came.

 

"So u mutts bee Sara" he sed evully.

  
"Let me ot off hear rite nao so I can defete u and saev Donnel Tramp!" I shatted.

 

"lolno" he sed "u will be in prisan hear untel u turd in2 a lesban and joyn me."

 

"Taht wil NEVAR HAPAN!!!" I shatted.

 

"Tahts wut u thank" he sed "butt my evul planes alweys werk!"

 

"They didant werk wen u wantad Hilrey Cliton 2 beet Doneld Tramp" I sed "and tehy wont werk nao taht u want me 2 bee a lesban!"

 

"Grr... well c abot taht" he sed "butt 4 nao u wil bee a prisaner!"

 

And than he leeved and I wuz trap in evul prisan.


	21. CHAP 20: SARA IN PRISAN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara iz stil captar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in skool 2day I wuz moken Becky becuz she thanked teh Jokar wold bee in Samsh butthan she shod me a vido that sed taht anotter carectar call Jocker wuz cumin 2 Smesh ass DLC. Its not teh Jokur frum Buttman insted hes frum a vido gam call Fursona 5 witch I necar herd off. Im gessin Becky tolded Gyorg Sorus taht I wuz maken fun off her so he pade tha asen pepole who mak vido gams 2 maek Person 5 a reel gaem and than put Jugular in Smish. U CANT TRIK ME BECKY!!!11!!
> 
> I alredy had idas 4 this chaptar b4 thes hapan tho so Jotaro wil be in tha storey 2moro insted.

CHAP 20: SARA INN PRISM

It wuz awile latur and I wuz stil in prisan. It wuz vary boron in their. I kapt walken bak and froth with noting eels 2 do. Sudanly I herd a nose. Sum1 had cum.

 

"Well well Sara it sems uv ben captar" It wuz......... Becky!

 

"Wut r u doen her Becky?!" I aksed becuz I wuz anger 2 c her.

 

"Jorge Sores cald me hear 2 deduce u" she sad. And than she unded 1 off tha bhutans on her shit.

 

"No stop!" I shatted "Im strate!"

 

"U wont bee wen Im dun with u!" Becky shatted. Than she unded tha otter bhutans and taked her shit of. Undarneth tha shart she wuz fat and uglay and I wuzant atracted 2 her atall.

 

"U cant evar hop 2 deduce me becuz ur not ass pritty as Lauren!" I shatted. Evan tho Im alos not daten Lauren becuz Im nota lesban. Shes jus my beast fernd AND NOTIN EVAR HAPANED LIEK TAHT BETWIN US!

 

"I beg 2 difar" Becky sed. Bye this tim she had alos taked of her paints and wuz jus in a bra adn pantees. Than she taked of her glasas and I noed it wuz tim 2 strik! I runed passed her wile she coldant see and opaned tha dore 2 tha sell. She didant reeliz I wuz gon becuz she coldant see withot her glasas becuz shes dum liek taht. I mad shur 2 loki tha dore behid me so nao she wuz tha 1 in prism.

 

I reeliz taht sins I wuz in Gorg Soarus evul layer it wuz tha prefect oportunaty 2 rescu Doneld Tramp. I sawed sum sines taht sed "Dolan Turnip thus way" on them and foloed tham until I retched anotter prisan were Dinner Tormp wuz erlier with Poutine and Penis. BUTT HE WUZANT THEIR!!!

 

"Mwa ha ha!" I herd tha sond off a Mexakan women laffin evully "Gorgosaurus alredy movde al three off tham 2 anotter evul layer so u coldant rescu tham!"

 

I reelized taht Gyorg Soren wuz reely rich (butt not in tha gud amerkan job crater way in tha munny-grubbin globalest way) and alos responsabel for al evul so he prolly had alota evul layers. I turd arond 2 see who wuz talkan 2 me and it wuz ALAXANDA ORICORIO CORTAZ!!! She puled ot a humor in 1 hand and a sikol in tha otter (tha simbols off commulism).

 

"U mite hav otsmartad Becky butt ull nevar defete me!" she sed.


	22. CHAP 21: SARA ESCAPS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara escaps Jorge Saurus evul layer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everone! Skool iz vary dangaros becuz u nevar no if Becky iz gona do sum lesban stuf 2 me. I kep a gud wach on her in evry clas I hav wither. I evan frollo her hoem sumtims. 2day she wuz walkan with a guy naem Kile and tehy wer holdan hans 4 sum resin evan tho Beckys a lesban. Who dose she thank shes foolen? Its so pethetik taht she thanks she can fol pepole in2 thanken shes not a lesban wen she obvesuly iz. Wy eels wold she kep putten lesban felons in2 tha heds of strate gurls liek me?
> 
> (As a fun fact, this character of Kyle (yes, that's the proper spelling of his name. Sara can usually only spell someone's name correctly if she's attracted to them) is someone I planned on including as far back as "The Reel Sekwel". He was originally going to be some guy that Sara dated to "prove how straight she is", sort of as a "real world" equivalent to all the Smash Bros. characters she dated in her story. Naturally, Kyle was eventually going to get fed up with how blatantly uninterested in him Sara was, dump her, and later end up dating Becky. I ended up dropping this plotline since I felt like it would take too long to realistically happen in real-time, adding it to the enormous mountain of abandoned plot threads from the Reel Sekwel. I decided to bring this unused character back for the reboot, except this time he's just Becky's boyfriend from the get-go, and shows that Sara simply refuses to believe that Becky isn't a lesbian despite all the evidence)

CHAP 21: SARA ECSAPS

I puled ot my gun and shat sum ballets at Aluxray Okazo Cortze butt she defrocked them wither hummer and sikol. Than she runed up and tred 2 hit me with thos wepons butt I dogged tham and did sum marital arts at her. It wuz a vary epac fite moar epek then aney fite uv evar sean. It semed taht r powars wer evan. Than sudanly their wuz a exposition.

 

"Wut wuz taht?" aksed Alossanta Oboro Kortaz.

 

Than their wuz anotter exposition taht maed a bit hol in tha wal.

 

"Its me Jokar" I herd sum guys vois say "and Im hear 2 rescu Sara."

 

"Ha! Ull nevar beet tha powar of COMMULISM!!!" shatted Alixanea Ogre Courts. Than me and Jocker teemed up 2 fite her. It wuz a difakult fite butt we wan.

 

"Nao tellus wer Turnip and Pants and Poontang were taked!" I shatted.

 

"Nevar!" she shatted bach. I wuz abot 2 get ot my tarsier 4 sum ehans interogaton tekniks butthan sudanly a car braked thro tha wal. Georg Thanos wuz driven it!

 

"Hurray! Getin her!" he shatted. Aloxana Oqueso Coryz leeped in2 tha car and Jorge Sorus drivde awey 2 fast 4 us 2 folo tham.

 

"Ono!" I shatted.

 

"Dont worey well gettham next tim" sed Jocular "nao we ned 2 get bak 2 tha Manshan."

 

"Tanks 4 saven me" I sed.

 

"Its ok" he sed "I wuz on my way 2 tha Smash Manshen wen I herd taht a gud strate Amarken patrat conservativ gurl wuz captar bye Gorgosaurus. So I noed I had 2 rescu u."

 

"Ok" I sed. Than we leeved Gorg Sores evul layer witch wuz on top off a monten and we sawed tha Manseon in tha valey bellow on tha otter sid of a spoopy forast.

 

"Looks liek we hav 1 moar obtesticle b4 getin bak 2 Manshan" I sed.

 

"Dont worey Ill protract u" sed Jokar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Oh, and for the discussion in the comments yesterday, here's something that I wanted to chime in with but didn't want to spoil this chapter. Yes, Joker's final Persona is Satanael (which, as you may have guessed from the name, is pretty much literally Satan), and thus Sara would likely have made Joker a villain if she knew. Your mistake, however, was assuming that Sara does any research whatsoever)


	23. CHAP 22: THA SCURRY FORAST

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara adn Jocker go threw teh forust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi agen everone! I did sum moar investagaton to prov ons and feral taht Becky iz a lesban. As prof I botted a homs deepo gif card and leeved it in Beckys lokar with a not saiyan it wuz frum a "secrete admiral". Wen she opaned her lokar and fonded it SHE DIDANT THRO IT AWEY! I thank tahts enuff evadans 2 prov taht Becky cant bee a strate gurl. No strait grill wold akshully want a gif crad frum their. U CANT LYE 2 ME BECKY!!!

CHAP 22: TEH SCARRY FLORIST

Me and Hooker came in forast. It wuz vary dork and scurry in their. A buncha tres wer bloken everthin. Sudanly a bare jump out!

 

"Rore" sed tha bare.

 

"Ono!" I shatted "run awey!"

 

So we runed awey frum teh bare. Than sum tiggers jumped ot!

 

"Rore" tehy sed. We had 2 run frum tham 2. Tehn sum lyons jump ot and sed Rore 2 and alos startad chasen us.

 

"Ono! Hao cold this get aney wors!" I shatted. Than sudanly I herded a rore taht wuz lowder then otter rores and TIRENOSOROS RAX BREAST THRO THA TRES!!!

 

"Ono a tiresorus rix! Butt there supos 2 bee extant!" I shatted.

 

"Clerly note!" sed Jokar. And al tha dangeros anemals keep chasen us. Son we retched a rivar.

 

"Quack!" I shatted "we ned 2 cros this rivar 2 get awey frum tha dangeros anemals!"

 

"Wate Sara!" sed Jokur "luk!"

 

Tahn I loked in tha waiter and sawed taht the rivur wuz filled of chocodiles and sharts and pironas and gina skwids and kilur wales and lok nes monstars!!! It wuzant saef ether!

 

"Ono! Wer trap!" I shatted. Sudanly I herd sum elfent nois and sum elfents shod up and scare al tha dongeros anemals awey. I noed taht teh elfents cum 2 saev us becuz tha elfent is tha simbal off tha republeken parity.

 

"Tanks elfents" I sed. They jus mad sum elfent nois. So me and Jokar clim on a elfent and rid it acros tha river and thro the rest off the wods untel we wer bak at tha Smush Manshan.


	24. CHAP 23: RETUNE 2 MANSHAN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara iz bach at tha Manshen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rite b4 I startad writen this chaptar I gotted a cal frum Lauren sayen taht she wants me 2 cum 2 her hose latur 2day 2 talk abot sumthin impotent. I wondar wut she mens bye taht. Aneyway thus chaptar iz guna bee a bit shart becuz off thes.

CHAP 23: RETURD 2 MENSHAN

Wen I gotted bak 2 tha Manshan Mister Hanes flyd up 2 me.

 

"Sara wy r u bak?" He aksed "I thot I gotted rid off u!"

 

"I rescud her" sed Jokar.

 

"And wy did u do taht?" Mustard Hank sed.

 

"Becuz hes my bofrend nao and wen Ima adote were gona get mary and maek pure wite babbys and saev tha wite rase frum teh globalests" I sed.

 

"Taht sonds reely stooped and rasest" sed Mystery Hound.

 

"U libruls cal everthin u dont liek rasest!" I shatted.

 

"Well aneyway I stil didant want u 2 cum bach 2 manshan" Meteor Honk sed "So go awey."

 

"U cant maek me leev! Im hear on diract odor frum Prezdent Donold Trimp himslef!" I shatted.

 

"Grrr..." sed Mister Hans "taht may be troo butt I stil run thes Manshan. Evan if I cant maek u leev I can stil punash u. U cant fite in aney moar maches 4 tha rest off tha weak and if u do aneythin bigated agen Im gona demoat u 2 been an asset trofy."

 

"Hao dar u sensar my rites 2 fred speck garyteed buy tha furst almondmint of the untitled stats conshitushun!!!" I shatted.

 

"Becuz this iz my Mansan and I can do wut I want" sed Monstar Hank "and u ned 2 go 2 ur rome rite nao!"

 

I reelized taht I had no choos becuz Muster Hind wuz a librul and u cant resin with tham. So I strummed of 2 my rom and slummed tha dore and wented 2 bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (And before you ask, no, Sara's plan for "pure wite babbys" doesn't take into account the fact that Joker is a Japanese. Like I said before: she doesn't do research)


	25. CHAP 24: THE CREATER OFF COMMULISM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara meats Murx tha guy who inventored Commanism.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yestarday I went 2 talk 2 Lauren and she wuz vary maid at me. She sed taht Becky sed I wuz stalkan her and evan bot a gift saiyan I wuz a secrete admonisher. I explanned taht it wuz troo butt I wuz onely dong taht becuz I neded 2 prov Becky wuz a lesban. Lauren tolded me taht Becky sed taht tha stalken wuz crepen her ot and Lauren aslo sed taht teh most impotent thin wuz taht ben a crepe iz ron. Butt Lauren sed taht it braked her hart taht I wuz shoen so muk intrast in anotter gurl. Taht mad Lauren cri. Sean Lauren cri maks me fell vary sad and evan tho I dont undarstan wut I did ron I stil promased taht I woldant frollo Becky arond aneymor. Lauren thankde me with a kis (NOT IN A LESBAN WEY ITS NUMEL 4 FRENDS 2 KIS ECH OTTER IN SUM YUROPEEN CONTRIS) witch mad me fell liek I mad tha rite disishun.

CHAP 24: TEH CRATER OFF COMMULISM

It wuz a few day latur and I wuz stil board becuz my unfare punashment wuzant ovar yet so I wuzant aloed 2 fite in aney maches. I walk passed teh tv scren rom agen and herd sum talkan. I went insid and saw a metang in Gorg Sorass mane evul layer. It wuz a vary big metang with Garage Saurus himslef and Brock Obema and Hilory Cliton and Alexsanta Okaso Cortaz and Nunsy Palossand and Cluck Shoemar and Burny Sandile and a buncha otter demakrats. Ever1 wuz shitten at a tabol expect 2 Sorus who wuz standen in front off a curtan taht wuz hidan sumthin... or sum1!

 

"Iv gathared u al hear 2day 2 introdus u 2 sum1 vary impotent" sed Gorgon Slurps "teh persan who will garontee taht Sara wil bee defeted and r librul evul planes will werk."

 

I wuz vary scare 2 her taht. Hoo cold this secrete reely powarfel evul persan bee?

 

"Its tha creatur of Comanism himslef..... Clair Marks!!!" Sora sed. He puled bak tha curtan and reveled tha persan behid it. It wuz a purpol cirkular guy with a clon hat and big wins and everthin.

 

"Butt I thot Merx wuz a old guy with a bread and everthin" sed Aloxanda Okuso Cartez.

 

"No taht wuz a lye I tolded 2 librul historans taht got past don 4 germinations becuz off tha librul byas in macadamia" sed Morx "this iz my troo from!"

 

I wuz surpriz 2 lern this 2 in reel leif wen I fotted Mirx in tha gam and saw wut he reely loked liek. I ges their isant ass much librul byas in Asia sins tehy wer abol 2 sho wut he reely loked liek in Supper Smash Bras Ultamint wen tehy mad tha gaem and it aslo wuzant sensared in Amarka 4 onse becuz Doneld Tramp iz presadent and prolly wanted pepole 2 no tha trooth. Im gessin if Hilrey Cliton wined tha electron she wold of mad them chang it.

 

"Al hale Mark!" all tha libruls in The Room sed and tehy wented up and bowed in frant off him. Aftar tehy wer don doen taht Burny Sender had a kwestin.

 

"Butt wut if Sara defets u Lored Mrax?" he aksed.

 

"Dont worey" sed Murx "ass lon as commulism exits I can nevar dye!"

 

Taht wuz so scarey! If I wantad 2 defet Marks I wold hav 2 distroy al off Commulism ons and feral. Hao wold a normel gurl liek me manag 2 do sumthin ass difacult ass taht?!


	26. CHAP 25: THA PLAIN 2 DEFETE COMANISUM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their iz a plane 2 beet commulism.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi agen everone. I jus want 2 think al tha gud conservatevs reedin this storey and ur grate and I alos want all tha evul libruls taht I hat u.
> 
> (OK, I'll admit that not much is probably going to happen in the author's notes for now. I basically thought up the rest of the plot for the actual story, but I've kinda been hit with some writer's block when it comes to what happens in Sara's "real life". Don't expect anything interesting to happen in these notes for the time being is what I'm saying)

CHAP 25: TEH PLANE 2 DEFIT COMMULISM

I thot and thot abot wut I cold passably do 2 defete Comanisem and stop Merx. Their wuz 2 muk off it everwhere. Liek almos every contry otsid off tha Untitled Stats of Murcia wuz run by entirly bye commulists and aslo the Demakrat parity in Amarka wuz aslo commulists. I coldant defete al off tham! I startad 2 cri. Butthan sum1 herd me.

 

"Sara wuts ron?" it wuz Samas.

 

"I ned 2 defet al off comanisum if I want 2 saev Amirka and Tromp butt its 2 hard!" I crayed.

 

"Taht sonds difacult" Samas sed "wy dont u aks my unkol Dr Mayro? Docktars r reely smart so he shold be abol 2 help u."

 

"Tahts a grate idya tanks!" I sed. So I wented 2 talk 2 Dr Maui in his rome.

 

"Hi Sara is sumthin ron?" he aksed.

 

"I ned 2 defet al off communion and Samas sed u cold help" I sed.

 

"Hmm..." he sed "taht sonds difacult. Butt I hav a plane. The problam iz theres 2 much commulism rite nao al arond the wordl."

 

"I no!" I sed "wy dose noone reliz taht comanesum iz bad?"

 

"Hoevur..." Dr Mayo sed "bak b4 cometism wuz invanted it wuzant aneywhere."

 

"Taht maeks sens" I sed "butt hao dose taht help me."

 

"Its simpol" Dr Mateo sed "u ned 2 go bak in tim and stop commulism b4 it evan begans!"

 

"Ok butt hao can I do taht?" I aksed.

 

"This is anotter hard part" Dr Marik sed "I ned sum1 2 bye tha parts 4 a tim masheen if u want me 2 bild 1. Butt u wel hav 2 by tham frum Hom Deepo!"

 

"Gasp!" I gasped "Homs Depo wuz a vary dangaros plas infestad bye lesbans!"

 

"I wish it cold bee esier" sed Dr Matoi "butt it has 2 be dun. I cant bild a tim masheen withot tha rite parts. I sugest puten a teem 2geter and goen ass a grope 4 protraction. Jus remamber taht if u dont do this comanisum wel nevar bee defeted and Dolan Troomp wil nevar bee rescu."

 

He wuz rite. I wold hav 2 fase my feers. It wuz tim 2 go 2 Hom Depo itslef 2 bye tha tim masheen parts.


	27. CHAP 26: JERNY 2 HOEM DEPO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara and frends go 2 homs depo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thank I shold explan wy I dont liek hom deepo. It al startad a few yeers ago wen my dad piked me up frum ballot praktis (usaly my mom did taht but she wuz sic that day) and stoped at homs depo on tha wey hoem. He woldant let me stay in tha kar becuz then tha Mexakans wold kidnap me and rap me and turd me in2 a chilled prostatut 4 there doug cartals. So I wented withim insid and gotted board and wandurd of and gotted lust. Sum laddy who werked ther fond me and sed she wold hlep me butt I new taht aney womans who werked at hardwer stors wer lesbans and I coldant trust her so I runed awey. It wuz al varey scarry.
> 
> (Yes, that was basically the same story as the one Sara told in the original Mishonh From God. As for the actual reason why I made Sara hate Home Depot, it's mostly because of the "lesbians like hardware stores" stereotype. Sara is, of course, much more feminine than that and would use her distaste for that sort of thing as "proof" that she wasn't a lesbian. As for why Home Depot was the object of her hatred rather than some other hardware store like Lowe's or something, there was no particular reason beyond the typo potential. It ended up working out in the end for three reasons. One, "Home Depot for Smash" would later become a meme on the Smash Bros subreddit for reasons completely unrelated to my stories, which in turn made Home Depot's presence in these stories retroactively funnier. Second, one of the typos I liked making was "Homs Deepo" due to my liking of Xenoblade Chronicles, which at the time was just a kinda-obscure Wii RPG, but would become more relevant when Shulk got revealed for Smash 4 about a year and a half after I finished the first Mishonh From God story. Lastly, the CEO of Home Depot has actually made minor headlines a few years ago due to complaining about young people liking Bernie Sanders. So, in other words, Sara would probably like Home Depot's CEO if she didn't have such an irrational hatred for hardware stores)

CHAP 26: JENNY 2 HOMS DEPAT

So I putted tha beast tem I cold thank of 2geter 2 go 2 hom depo. I brot Jokar and Loosena and Mark and Sholk and Grill Corn and Buy Koren and Lonk and Icke and Samas and Mageman and Crump and Mayro and Lugia and Petch and Zolda and Snack. If I brotted any moar pepole I wuz afred it wuld draw r muk atenshun becuz alota Mexakans and lesbans r at helms deep and we neded 2 be sneeky. Wen we gotted 2 tha praken lot we sawed a buncha Maxipads standen otsid. We had 2 bee vary carful becuz they wer prolly membars of drog cartals who wer dangeros crimenals. We tred 2 snak in2 tha stor unsen butt I off tham sawed me!

 

"Ola senyoretta!" sed tha Mexakan "Kay pasta?"

 

Ono! He wuz prolly sayen sumthin abot kidnapen me and taken me 2 his kartel leedur! I goted ot my tarsier and shat him withit.

 

"Deeos meow!" he shatted "la cheeka es mooy loka!"

 

This gotted tha atenshun off al teh otter Mexakans and we had a fite on r hands. I shat ballets at the Mexakans with my gun and Jokar did sum ateks frum his gaem (I dont no wut he dos). Lozenge and Math and Sholk and the Koreans and Lank and Ick and Croom al hited tha Mixalots with there sords. Samas and Magaman shat the Mexakans with guns on there arms and Snape shat gonads. Mayo and Loogey jamped on tha Mexkins heds and Peech throed turdaps and Zilda did sum majak. Son al tha Moxykans wer defeet and we cold safly prosed in2 hom depo. Tha instent I entared tha stor I herd a vois in my hed.

 

"BEE A LESBAN! BEE A LESBAN! BEE A LESBAN!" Tha vois keep saiyan ovary and ovary agen. It wuz tha sperit off Hom Depo! I failed on tha grond.

 

"Ono!" I shatted.

 

"Sara wuts ron?" Grill Corneria wed. Butthan she falled on tha grond 2! And so did al tha otter gurls in r grope!

 

"Wut tha bluddy hell iz thes bluddy bolox?" Sholk aksed.

 

"Its tha sprite off Ham Depo tryen 2 turd aney womans who cum in tha stor in2 lesbans!" I shatted.

 

"Ono!" sed Jocker "Quack mens we ned 2 hurray!"

 

Al tha guys in r grope ran 2 go fine tha tim mashen pratts wile me and tha otter gurls wer heplass on teh flor and unabel 2 do anethin.

 

"BEE A LESBAN! BEE A LESBAN! BEE A LESBAN!" Teh homs depo sperit keeped saiyan.

 

"Bluddy ha ha ha! Wut hav we bluddy gotted hear?" It wuz Banette! She wuz cumin 2 getus wile we wer al on tha flor.

 

"Loks liek alota tha strate gurls frum tha Manshan cam 2 Homs Depo my luv" sed Drake Samas.

 

"Butt tehy wont bee bluddy strate 4 lon!" sed Banette. Tha 2 lesbans startad laffin evully. Hao wold I passably escap thes situashun?! Fined ot next tim!


	28. CHAP 27: THA BATTOL OF HOEM DEPAT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara fites 2 not becum a lesban.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi agen. I thank its impotent 2 remid everone taht Im nota lesban. So if aney1 thanks Ima lesban than STOP THANKEN TAHT RITE NAO!!!

CHAP 27: TEH BEETLE OFF HOMS DEEPO

"BEE A LESBAN! BEE A LESBAN! BEE A LESBAN!" the sperit of Hoem Depo keeped saiyan in my hed.

 

"No! Im strate!" I shatted. Butt it didant stop becuz it wuz a evul sperit and tahts wut it did. I noed I had 2 thank strait thots if I wantad 2 stay strate. So I thot of bean with Lauren and puten on makup wither and tryen on al sorts off pritty cloths wither. Butt for sum resin this wuzant helpin.

 

"BEE A LESBAN! BEE A LESBAN! BEE A LESBAN!" teh sprite of Homs Deppo sed.

 

"Thes wankars sem 2 bluddy be resisten tha powar off tha bluddy Hom Depo sperit. Tats a bluddy lode off bolox!" sed Banette.

 

"Ino!" sed Dork Samas "we muts sped up tha proses!"

 

So Derp Samas and Banette startad haven lesban sax in frant off us 2 tri 2 convins us 2 bee lesbans. I hopped taht tha bois wold hurray up and get tha tim mashen parts. Sudanly Grill Corn stud up.

 

"Quack Gurl Karen escap b4 u turd in2 a lesban!" I sed.

 

"Its 2 laet 4 that Sara" she sed "Im a lesban nao thinks 2 tha powar off Hoem Depo!"

 

"ONO!!!" I shatted.

 

Than Gurl Koren walked up 2 tha Hom Depo manger who wuz standen neerby.

 

"I want 2 werk hear becuz Ima lesban" she sed.

 

"Ok" sed tha mangler and he gived her a uneform witch she putted on. Than she went ovar 2 tha crash registeel and startad worken. Than Zorldo stud up 2.

 

"No! Nat u2!" I sed.

 

"Yes Sara Im alos a lesban nao" she sed "u shud jus giv up and bee a lesban 2. Its grate 2 not hav 2 pritend 2 liek bois aneymor becuz gurls r so muk prettyer."

 

"No!" I shatted "I no gurls r prettyer than bois butt I refus 2 bee a lesban! I must marey a wite man and maek wite babbys 2 saev westarn silvallyzaton!"

 

"Well u wont be abel 2 resast the powar off tha Helms Deep sperit 4ever" Zilda sed. Than she walked up 2 tha Homs Depo manojer and gotted a job frum him 2.

 

Sudanly wen al hop semed lose tha bois showde up with tha tim mashen parts.

 

"Wy dose my sitar werk at hom depo nao?" Boi Koren sed.

 

"And my gurlfren 2" sed Lonk.

 

"Its becuz wer lesbans nao" Zulda and Gril Korn sed.

 

"NOOOOOO!!!!" Lunk and Buy Koran shatted.

 

"Alos Im not ur gurlfrend aneymor Lank Im daten Gerl Korin nao becuz we booth turd in2 lesbans" Zetta sed.

 

"Cum on! We ned 2 buy tha tim mashen parts and leev b4 aney mor off tha gurls becum lesbans" Jokar sed. And so tha bois bot tha tim mashen parts and than dragged the rest off us gurls ot off tha stor just in tim so we didant turd in2 lesbans.

 

Wen we gotted bak 2 tha manshan we had 2 brake the noos 2 Roi taht his gurlfrend wuz a lesban nao. All tha conservativ mans taked Roi and Lonk 2 a strep club becuz tahts wer mens go wen they get sad insted of cryen becuz tahts not wut reel mans do.


	29. CHAP 28: THA LIEBARY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr Maro maeks tha tim masheen wile Sara and Losena go 2 tha libruy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We r aprochen tha end off my storey. In a few craptars we wil retch tha epoch concussion. Will Doneld Tramp be rescud and commulism defeted and Amarka saevd? Kelp reddin 2 fine ot!

CHAP 28: TEH LUBERY

For tha naxt few dyas Dr Maroi wuz werkin on bild tha tim mashen. Evan with al tha rite parts and Dr Marik ben a doctur it stil taked a lon tim becuz tim mashins r hard 2 maek.

 

"Mayby we shold luk up in histray boks 2 fined ot wut tim we shold go bak 2" sed Loosena.

 

"Ok" I sed becuz taht mad sens. So we went 2 tha liberry off tha Manshan 2 get tha rite bok. Wen we gotted 2 teh liburry Mister Hanks bruther Crapy Hanes wuz tha liberian.

 

"We ned a histray bok" I sed "and not 1 filed with librul lyes. We ned 1 with the REEL histray off commulism."

 

"My bruther dosant want pepole reedin buks liek taht becuz he sez tha normel histray boks r moar acurat than teh boks taht sum1 liek u wold thank wer acurat" Krazoa Hond sed "he sez ur a bigated consperasy therist."

 

"Tahts not troo atoll! U libruls just want 2 kep pepole bland 2 tha reel trooth!" I shatted.

 

"Well al tha rite ween constipationry  thery boks r in tha baned sektion off tha library butt I cant let u in their becuz its baned" sed Cranky Hound.

 

"Grr! This iz sensorsheep!" I shatted "my dads a polite chef and if u dont let me in2 tha baned sektion Im gona cal him 2 attest u 4 braken tha furst amenmant!"

 

"Lol im a gyant glov a normel polis orificer dosent hav hancufs big enuff 2 attest me or a car big enuf 2 taek me 2 jale" Crazey Hen sed. And it suked becuz he was rite. Their had 2 bee anotter whey.

 

"Sara I hav a idea" sed Loosena "just taek my han wen I say 2."

 

"Ok" I sed. I didant no wut this plan wuz butt I lieked holden hans with pritty gurls so I agred 2 it aneyway.

 

"Hey Cratey Hans lok ovar their!" Lusena shatted pointen in tha opasit diraction off tha baned sektion of tha librury.

 

"Wut iz it?" he sed loken wer Lusina wuz ponten.

 

"Sara! Cum with me! Quack!" Losena sed. We garbed ech otters hans and runed 2 tha baned sektion off tha library wile Crayzi Hun wuz disacted.

 

Wen we goted 2 tha baned sektion we fond a histray bok taht sed "Tha Reel Histray off Commulism Taht Teh Libruls Dont Want U 2 No Abot" and quackly grabed it and runed bak ot off tha libery b4 Crazey Hanes cold figar ot wut we did.


	30. CHAP 29: THA TIM MASHEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teh tim mashin iz finnish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorey r not updaten yestaday I wuz spendin tim at Laurens hose NOT DOEN LESBAN STUF. I hop u liek tha chaptar unles ur a librul commulist.
> 
> (In actuality, I was just kinda busy yesterday. I both tweeted this out and left a comment on the previous chapter, so hopefully people saw at least one of those if they were wondering why there was no chapter)

CHAP 29: TEH TIM MASHON

Wen we goted bak 2 tha rom were tha tim mashen wuz ben bilt we sawed it wuz almos dun.

 

  
"Did u get tha histray bok?" Dr Marik sed.

 

"Yes its rite her" I sed. Than me and Lossina wented ovary 2 red it. It sed

 

_Tha Histray off Commulism_

 

_Commulism wuz inventored in Rusha bye Marks becuz he didant lick teh zar. Tha zard iz liek a keen butt Rushan. Bak than teh zars naem wuz Ross Poutine teh garndpa off Voldemort Poontang. Merx wantad 2 bee tha commonest dicktaster and get rad off crapetalizm and teh zar. So he assembald a buncha folowers and ataked tha zars casserole and kild him 2 deth and than Rusha wuz a commulist contry caled tha Saviet Onion untel Amarka leded bye Roneld Regen (Amurkas gratest prezdent untel Donnel Turnip) wented their and kild liek a bajillion commulists and puted Validar Pooten in powar sins he wuz tha onely liven decadent off tha ded zar Ross Potion so he wuz tha riteful rooler._

 

"So I ges if we want 2 stop commulism we ned 2 go bak in tim and stop Merx frum kilen tha zar" I sed.

 

"Tahts a grate idea!" Lucinda sed.

 

"Ok tha tim mashen iz dun" Dr Maryo sed "nao breen everone hear who wants 2 go bak in tim and stop commanism."

 

"Thes iz a vary impotent mishonh so I thank we shold breen everone" I sed. Lousena and Dr Maro wer alredy their so I didant hav 2 gogeta tham. Butt I did go an get Mayo and Lonk and Samas and Yosi and Kurby and Loogey and Nes and Pech and Dazzy and teh Ike Clammers and Shaq and Mark and Yun Lenk and Roi and Cram and Pete and Snack and Ice and Lookus and Sonec and Keg Daddy and Tone Loc and Mageman and Roselia and Palpatine and Boi Roben and Grill Roban and Sholk and Dick Cunt and Ruy and Khan and Clod and Boi Koren and Reptar and Jokar. I stil felted liek taht wuzant enuff.

 

"Dont worey Sara I caled 2 moar pepole 2 help" sed Maroi. I loked ovar and sawed BONG SHARPEDO ADN EXLAX JONS!!! Bun Shakira and Alux Johns r reely smart conservativs who alweys tel tha trooth taht teh globalests dont want u 2 no. Alox Jons wuz evan baned frum moast off tha intranet 4 it becuz off globalest censarshep.

 

"We r hear 2 DISTOY tha librul swj commulists with LOGAK adn RESIGN" sed Ban Shoopdawhoop.

 

"YA WE WIL STOP AL THOS EVUL COMMANESTS ONS AND FERAL!!!!" shatted Alox Jons. He alweys talks reely lodly becuz hes a manely man liek taht.

 

I noed with this unstopabel teem we wold sertanly defet commulism. Evary1 gotted in2 tha tim mashen and we wented bak in tim.


	31. CHAP 30: BAC IN TIM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara nd frens go bacon tim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helo agen everone. I no sum pepole thank I goted sum histray ron butt tahts becuz u wer barnwash bye librul ejaculation sistem. Thes storey iz ass hysterically acurat ass I am strait.

CHAP 30: BACH IN TIM

Wen we gotted 2 tha passed we wer in tha midol off Mosscow Rusha. We wented ovar 2 tha zars hose and noked on tha dore and teh zar ansered.

 

"Hi welcum 2 Rusha im tha zar" sed Zar Ross Poutine.

 

"THA COMMULISTS R GUNA CUM AND KILL U AND UR FAMELY!" I shatted.

 

"OMG taht sux" sed teh zar.

 

"I no rite" I sed "butt lukely I brot a buncha pepole bak in tim 2 protract u."

 

"Tahts grate" sed tha zar. Sudanly tha commulist showd up.

 

"MWA HA HA prepair 2 dye Zar Ross Poontang!" Merx shatted. I brot a tun off commanests withim. Their wuz Lennon and Stallone and Hitlur (I no tha libruls clam taht Hitlar wuz rite ween butt tha notzees wer reely soshalests. TAT PROVS TAHT UR THA REEL NOTZEES NOT ME TAEK TAHT LIBRULS) and Mosey Dong and Fiddle Castrate and Vuvuzela Guy and Yun Gorgosaurus and Yun Hilrey Cliton and Babby Barak Obema and a buncha otter comanests (butt not Alaxana Okaso Cortze becuz she wuzant bored yet bak then).

 

"No! Wer gona stop u!" I shatted. And than tha fright begined. I usde my gun and Jokur did sum off his ateks. Losena and Mark and Roi and Crump and Icke and Clod usde there sords wile tha three Lonks al shat aros and bonerangs at tha commulists. Mayo and Lugia shat furballs and jump on tha commanests heds and Dr Mayro did sum doktar stuf and charg tha commulists munny 4 it witch mad them dye off angry becuz comanests hat wen they hav 2 pay 4 helth car. Samas and Magaman shat lazor bals frum there gun arms and Snape shat rockettes and Shrek shat nedols and Yosey shat egs. Nas and Lucius usde pk fir and pk thundar and Petch and Dizzy throed turdaps. Tha Robans did sum majak and Boi Corn did sum off his dragen stuf. Pet and Pollutena did angle stuff and Ike Climers and Kurby and Keen Dende hited tha commanests with hummus. Sanic roled in2 a bal and Roselia shat starz and Sholk usde tha powar off Monsanto. Ruy and Kin usde marital arts and Duke Haunt bited tha communests 2 giv them rabbis and Riktor usde his wip 2 wipe tha commulists. Bun Sharknado DISTOYED tha commulists with LODGING and RESIN and Alox Jons did a buncha manley screms untel he wented supper sayen liek in Dragenboll z and shat key blats. Sudanly I fond miself fase 2 fase with babby Brock Obaka. I reelized sumthin.

 

"I figured ot ur secrete babby Borat Osama!" I shatted.

 

"Wut?" sed babby Baraka Obema.

 

"I clam 2 be bored in Hawyi butt tahts impassabel becuz a babby cant driv a bote so u muts hav cum hear 2 Rusha bye land!" I shatted "ADMET IT! U WER BORED IN KONYA!!!"

 

"Mwa! Ha! Ha! U figared it ot!" he shatted "I wuz barn in Kinya erlier 2day and imedately runed ovar hear 2 do sum commulism! Butt u wont be abol 2 tel any1 abot this becuz Im gona kil u nao!"

 

Than babby Brick Oboema tred 2 strangal me with his umbrellacol cord butt he wuz just a babby so I beeted him up esily. I wuz abot 2 delivar tha finnish blow 2 saev modarn Amarka frum tha Obaba admenstruation butt sudanly I herd sum1 say.

 

"Hay their pritty gurl" it wuz yun Hilrey Cliton. In modarn tims Hurray Cliton iz a uglay old ladey butt bak then in tha past she wuz yun and pritty. And she wuz tryen 2 deduce me! Off coarse im strate so it didant werk butt it stil distracted me lon enuff 4 babby Barak Ovary 2 run awey.

 

"Nao im gona kill u liek im gona kil Ben Gozzy wen im a old ladey!" sed Yun Hilrey Clitoris. Ben Gozzy wuz a guy who lived in labia (I dont no were taht iz. I aksed my gegrafy teecher wer taht wuz and tha antire clas startad laffen and tha teecher tolded me it wuzant apropret. I gess tha libruls muts want 2 kep it secrete) untel Hilrey Cliton kiled him awile ago becuz shes evul liek taht. I noed I wuz in 4 a difacult fite becuz Hilrey Cliton lieks 2 kil pepole alot.


	32. CHAP 31: SARA VERSAS CLITON AND THAN MERX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara hits Clitoris with fists maney tims and than starts fiten Murx.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everone. 2day iz a speshal day becuz it wuz exacty a moth ago taht I uploded tha furst chaptar off this storey. Tanks 2 everone reedin thus expect 4 tha librul commulists.
> 
> (Seriously, though. Thanks everyone. Also, I feel like it would be a good idea to plug this charity stream going on right now. Hbomberguy, a Youtuber I have a huge amount of respect for and have been a fan of since 2014, is raising money for a charity called Mermaids that helps transgender children, because some transphobic asshole guy named Graham Linehan tried to have this charity defunded. He's doing this by attempting to fully complete Donkey Kong 64. So, if anyone wants to help this charity (or just wants to watch someone play DK64 with a wide variety of interesting guests), feel free to check out https://www.twitch.tv/hbomberguy . Unless you're reading this long after the stream is done, since this message will still be up here years from now. In which case, you should just subscribe to hbomberguy on Youtube at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClt01z1wHHT7c5lKcU8pxRQ )

CHAP 31: SARA VERSAILLES CLITON ADN THAN MORX

I insanely new I wuz in 4 tha fite off my leif wen Yun Hilrey Cliton runed at me with a nife leik a crazey persan. I dogged all her ateks and than punked her in tha fase repetadly.

 

"Ow" she sed. Than she tred 2 stab me agen. I garbed my tarsier and tred 2 shat her withit butt she noked it ot off my han wither nife. Than I tred 2 shat her with my gun butt she noked taht awey 2.

 

"Mwa! Ha! Ha! U will nevar defete commulism!" Yun Hilory Cliton shatted.

 

"Ono!" I shatted becuz I wuz ot off wepons butt Hilry Cliton stil had a nife.

 

"U MUTTS DYE!!!" she shatted ass she tred 2 stab me. Butthan sumon shat her hand and mad her drop tha nife.

 

"Ow" she sed az she garbed her shat hand with her otter hank "who darez atak tha grate Yun Hilrey Cliton?!"

 

"U r a nastey women" I herd sumon sed. I loked and saw it wuz YUN DONELD TRAMP!

 

"YAY DAYOLD RUMP!!!" I sed "butt I thot u wer captared?"

 

"No onely my modarn tims self wuz captar. Im tha Doneld Tramp frum this distent passed tim lon b4 taht hapan" he sed.

 

"Oh ok" I sed. Taht maed sans.

 

"Nao Sara u muts defete Max and Gorgosaurus and saev my modarn tims slef" sed Yun Donnel Turnip "Ill deel with Yun Hilrey Cliton."

 

Sudanly Yun Dolan Turmp puled ot a reely big sord and so did Yun Hilory Clitoris and tha 2 off tham had a reely big sord fite taht wuz liek in on of thos cartons frum asea. Butt I noed I had 2 garb my wepons agen and go fine Mirx. So I grabe my wepons and serched arond. I sawed Marks chasen Zar Ross Poutine arond tryen 2 kil him.

 

"Sumbuddy hlep!" sed tha zar.

 

"Dont worey zar Ill hellp u!" I shatted butt al tha fiten wuz reely nosy so he coldant heer me. I desided 2 run closar and than goted ot my gun and shat Merx withit.

 

"Ow" he sed. Than he turd 2 lok at me with angry "Hao dare u try 2 stap me frum kilen tha zar!"

 

"Becuz Im gona defete u and saev wistarn silvallyzaton frum commulism!" I shatted.

 

"Lol no u wont" he sed.

 

"Yes I well!" I shatted and than shat him with my gun agen.

 

"Grrr... in taht case PREPAIR 2 DYE!!!" he shatted. Than he sproted hiz weens and tha gratest fite in histray beganed.


	33. CHAP 32: TEH FINALE BATTOL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara fites Maerx in tha finel batol 2 decidueye tha faet off tha wrold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everone I didant hav skull 2day becuz off Marten Loothar Keen Day. I dont no who he wuz butt hes blak so he prolly onely gotted a holeday becuz off afermatev akshan and their are prolly liek a trilen wite pepole who deservd a holday moar butt didant get 1. Still tho I wuz glid taaht I didant hav 2 go 2 skool.
> 
> (So, that charity stream the other day was fun. Many famous guests either showed up or retweeted it. Probably my famous moment was when Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez herself (who you might remember as one of the "villains" of this story) showed up on stream and, in a conversation about politics and video games, this exchange happened: https://streamable.com/2nq8i . Also, some names that most Nintendo fans (i.e. the people reading this fic) probably have heard of include Grant Kirkhope (the composer for Donkey Kong 64 and the Banjo-Kazooie games), who showed up on the stream at one point, and Matthew Mercer (the voice of Chrom) who didn't make it to the stream but did retweet a link to it on his Twitter. All in all, it was a very feel-good moment for both the gaming and LGBT communities. I do wish it all went down a bit earlier, so that I could have included a scene in this story where Graham Linehan (the transphobic guy whose schemes to defund a charity led to this whole thing happening in the first place) shows up at the Smash Mansion and harasses transgender Simon Belmont, only for Donkey Kong to intercede and give Linehan a well-deserved beatdown (Sara would, of course, take Linehan's side and whine about how the evil SJW Donkey Kong was doing a censorship or whatever, because Sara is the worst). This wouldn't have just been topical, but it would also have given one of the Kongs something to actually do in this story (I'm a huge DKC fan but DK and Diddy have never really had much chance to do much in any of the Mishonh stories))

CHAP 32: TEH FENNEL BATTOL

Insanely wen tha fite begined Murx startad telaproten so fats taht I coldant shit him. Than sudanly their wuz a drak sirkol udderneth me witch I had 2 dog b4 Morx cum frum grond. Than I finely had a chans 2 get a few gud shats in.

 

"Ow" he sed. Than he startad laffen and telproten arond agen. It wuz vary hard an anoyen. Than he pufed up his checks and shat a reely big lazor taht hurted me alot.

 

"Ow" I sed.

 

"Sara r u reedy 2 surander and becum a commulist lesban?" sed Morx "Ill let u marey Lauren and bee tha commulist mayer off ur town ass lon as u obay me."

 

My sperit wuz reely week frum hao stron Morx wuz. This wuz a vary tuff fite. Mayby I coldant win and commulism wuz undefetabel.

 

"Dont giv up Sara we beleev in u!" Losena shatted.

 

"U can do et" Jokar shatted.

 

"Ya! Defete taht bluddy commanest wankar!" Sholk shatted. Al off tha otter conservatevs startad shatten gud thins at me 2.

 

"No Max I wil not surondar!" I shatted "Im compliantly strait and evan tho Lauren iz my beast fern and reely pritty I no I cant marey her becuz I ned 2 marey a wite man and maek wite babbys!"

 

"Grrr" sed Myrrh "than u hav chosan 2 dye!!!"

 

Mars startad doen al his ataks butt I beleeved in meself thus tim so I dogged tham al with esily and shat him a buncha tims.

 

"NO THIS IZ IMPASSABLE! U CANT BEET MEE!!!" Mirx shatted.

 

"Ur ron Murx!" I shatted. Than I shat him on lust tim in teh hed.

 

"MOOO!!!" he shatted ass he dyed.

 

"NOOOO!!!!!!" Gorgosaurus and al teh otter commulists shatted becuz wen Murx dyed tehy al atomatekly disintagretad.

 

"U saeved me!" sed tha zar. Than his dotter Anesthesia runed ot.

 

"Hao can we evar rapay u?" she aksed. I shod her a pictar off Vlodmir Pootins dad.

 

"In tha normel timlin u escap ur famelys deth an mareyed thes guy. U ned 2 stil go and marey this guy and hav a sun naem Voldemort Poontang and maek him tha zar in modarn tims" I sed.

 

"Ok" Anustastera sed. Than I noed it wuz tim 4 me 2 return 2 tha presant so I wav gudby 2 Zar Ross Poutine and his dotter Anorithia and me and everone I brot 2 tha passed with me gotted back in tha tim mashen and pressed tha bhutan 2 retune 2 modarn tims.


	34. CHAP 33: TEH BIG CONCUSSION

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its teh grenn finally off tha storey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi agen everone. Its tim 4 my storey 2 bee ovary. Im shur u al had a gud tim reedin it expect 4 tha commulist libruls who wer distoyed bye my LOGAK and RESIN. I no thes wil 1 day go don in histray as tha gratest thin ever writed expect 4 Doneld Turnips bok Tha Fart Off Teh Dale.
> 
> (And thus, the story comes to an end. Since one of my jokes on Twitter drew a small amount of attention yesterday and thus might lead to people reading this story without understanding the satirical context, I'll repeat my trigger warning from earlier: 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: The opinions expressed by the "protagonist" of this story do not reflect the opinions of the author. This "protagonist" has many views that basically any decent person would find abhorrent, and she could definitely be called racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, and any other type of bigot you would expect your typical alt-right sociopath to be. If the rants of a barely-literate, fascist-adjacent psychopath would be too disturbing for you to continue reading, feel free to click away now.
> 
> With that covered, I just want to say that I had a fun time writing another of these stories. Will I write another? That remains to be seen. For now, with the latest season of RWBY almost ending, I'll probably be dedicating a large chunk of my spare time to running the yearly Ship Wars polls on the RWBY subreddit. Also, I'm a bit burned out like I usually am at the end of a story (which might be why most of what I write tends to end anti-climatically). I'll have to wait for inspiration to hit before writing another one. There is definitely potential for more stories in the future, though, since I don't really have plans to redeem this version of Sara any time soon, however. Though people who act like the pre-reboot Sara didn't do anything nearly as abhorrent as this Sara's crimes are kinda forgetting the crimes of the original Sara, who committed mass nuclear genocide in the Middle East and also tried to nuke the entire US State of Pennsylvania just because Lauren's girlfriend Katy lived there. I'd say that those crimes are much worse than physically assaulting a singular baby (though obviously beating the shit out of random babies is also bad). I myself kinda cringe sometimes at how edgy I made Sara in "The REEL Sekwel". Like I've said before, there's a fine line between satirically mocking alt-right sociopaths and being the kind of edgy "humor" that those sociopaths enjoy unironically. I try to avoid crossing that line, but I think that there were a few times where I may have failed and I definitely regret that. 
> 
> Of course, that's not to say I hated everything about the REEL Sekwel. It led to one of my favorite pieces of fanart for my stories (This one, which was posted in the comments on one of its chapters: http://i.imgur.com/qv8bA29.jpg). The main reason I decided to return to writing badfics (besides Smash Ultimate being a thing, of course) is that I hoped to generate more interest in my works and thus more fanart and dramactic readings, parody fics, and the like. In fact, a major part of why I started writing the first Mishonh story in the first place all the way back in 2012 was that I stumbled onto a dramatic reading of "My Immortal" by a Youtuber by the name of "manwithoutabody" (link to the playlist here, though Youtube's recent removal of annotations from all of their videos hit a lot of old dramatic readings very hard since annotations were where most of the snarky comments were put in a lot of these sorts of videos:   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZMDUNMo3zU&index=3&list=PL5556C1AB0BF476A1) and hoped that one day I could write something that would inspire the kind of mockery and parody that My Immortal did.
> 
> But, enough of my rambling. It's time for this story to end)

CHAP 33: TEH BUG CONFUSION

Wen we al arivde bak in modarn tims we sawed Simian adn Grill Corn and Zorldo all standen their. AND TEHY WER NUMEL AGEN.

 

"Bruther ur bak 2 normel!" Riktar shatted.

 

"Adn so r u Gurl Karen" sed Buoy Quran and Roi.

 

"And u Zilda" sed Lonk.

 

"Ya wen u wented bak in tim and kiled Murx it staped tha Frunkfart Skull frum maken clitoral marxesum so hobosexalty adn trangengarizm nevar exitsed aneymore in thus timlin" sed Gurl Korean.

 

"Tahts coal" I sed. Than I sudanly gotted a cal on my fone. IT WUZ DONNEL TRAMP!!!

 

"Hi Sara u ned 2 cum 2 tha wite hose rite nao Im holden a impotent serumony in boner off u saven me and distroyen commulism" he sed.

 

"OMG gasp!" I shatted "off coarse Ill be their mr prezdent!"

 

So I gatharad everone with me and we al wented 2 tha wite hose. Wen I goted 2 tha impotent sarumany rome I sawed Lauren and al tha Republekens (tha Demakrats didnt exits aneymor becuz I distroyd commanism) and my famely wer alredy their waten 4 me and al tha Smush Bras carectors shat in tha seets taht wer stil emtpy. Dolan Tarp  wented up 2 a podyum and startad talken.

 

"We r gathar hear 2day 2 oner a grate yun gurl who savde my leif and Amarka by goen bak in tim and distroyen comanisum" sed Turmp "cum hear Sara!"

 

So I came. Wen I gotted 2 tha stooge Donold Rump gived me a metal and everone crapped.

 

"Alos I hav 1 moar impotent anoncement" Danold Trunk sed "Ass u no Im tha greetest prezdent in tha histray off tim butt Im stil a mortel man and 1 day I wil dye and go 2 Haven. So I ned 2 hav a err 2 tha thron off tha prezdensy who can tak ovar aftar Im gong and bee prezdent 4 tha rest off there leif. Will u bee tha naxt prezdent Sara?"

 

I gapsed! This wuz unbelevabol! Not onely had changen tim goten rid off al thos stooped electrons were bad pepole cold tak ovar so nao Doneld Tromp wuz prezdent 4 lif butt alos I cold tak ovar wen he wuz gon.

 

"OMG YES OFF COARSE!!!" I shatted.

 

"Than I proclam u Sara Osborne 2 bee tha Princes of Amanda!" Donal Crump sed. Than he putted a crone on my hed and everone crapped agen includen Trimp himslef. And than Lauren runed up 2 tha stag and givde me a frend kis on tha lips (NOT IN A LESBAN WHEY BECUZ WE R NOT LESBANS JUST ASS A FREND!) and everone crapped evan hardar and givde me a standen ovulation. It wuz tha greetest day off my leaf!


End file.
